It's hard

I am so in love with my children. Anna and Luke are the most adorable babies I have ever seen. But I am not going to lie to you, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. Just when I think I have them figured out and on a schedule, they surprise me. Overall they are very good babies but when they are both screaming at 3 am and nothing will stop them from screaming I want to cry, and I do cry. 

Maybe I'm trying too hard to keep them on a schedule and making sure they are sleeping in their cribs and eating over 4 oz. Maybe I'm expecting too much out of them. But I'm trying to do it right. 

People ask me if I'm getting sleep. I am, but the schedule is hard to get use to. Jaime gets home at 5 pm and takes over. I go to bed at 6 pm and sleep until midnight. Then he goes to bed and I take over, from midnight until 6 pm that night. It works, but it's lonely during the night shift. My very loyal cat hangs out with me but when Anna screams, she runs and hides. I would too if I could. 

I have been getting a lot of help from my mom and mother in law - Thank you! But I haven't been good at just getting out and leaving the babies. I feel like I need to stay with them. When they are sleeping or being held by someone else I am cleaning, taking a shower or I just sit and try to catch my breath.

Yesterday I finally just left. My mother in law and cousin were over and the babies were kinda sleeping. I got on my running shoes and grabbed my ipod and went for a run. That's right, I went for a run. I haven't run since we started IVF which was almost a year ago. It was a slow run but it was wonderful. I actually went for about 30 minutes. It was hard to get use to the jiggling going on in my stomach. Hopefully my Dr. isn't reading this because I haven't been released to run yet. It's only been 5 weeks. I will make sure I get out again soon. 

My emotions and hormones have been getting the best of me. Some days I'm fine, other days I'm a mess. I know that is normal and I am trying my best to keep them in check. One thing I'm trying to work on is socializing. I really don't have any desire to leave or see other people. I only want to be around my mom. This is very weird for me. I love to socialize and be around other people. Right now I just want my mommy. I don't know why I feel like this. I love my family and friends but I just feel comfortable being at home taking care of Anna and Luke. My mom has been getting me out for walks which has been helping. We also had lunch at Alterra and the Milwaukee Ale House. That was nice. It's all about baby steps. 

Overall things are going good. Anna and Luke are now 5 weeks old and are very healthy. And it looks like they are ready to eat again. I'll post some more pictures soon.

I may not have time for words

This is why:

The day my miracles arrived

This took me a couple days to write...... the twins have taken over our lives!

On Wednesday, June 25th I knew something wasn't right. I felt worse than usual and couldn't stop crying. This was the first day that I truly wanted to go into labor. I was 36 weeks, 2 days and as much as I wanted to make it to our scheduled C-section on July 5th, I was ready for the twins to arrive. Deep down I had a feeling they were OK and ready to make their appearance. 

I had my weekly Dr appointment that day and I cried as I tried getting ready. I actually prayed that my water would break or that my Dr would just decide to do the c-section that coming weekend. 

Once I got to the Dr I was crying again. The nurse took my blood pressure and she looked concerned - 140/80. The highest it had been was 110/70. She took my protein test and all was clear. I waited for my Dr and started crying again - I had no control at this point. She came in and asked what was wrong. I told her I was beyond uncomfortable and just in a lot of pain. My legs were so swollen I could not bend them and I was short of breath. She told me she was sending me to the hospital to be monitored. She was worried about my blood pressure and preeclampsia. Part of me was scared and the other part of me was excited. She said that depending on what they find, they may just keep me there on bed rest so I could stay comfortable. 

I walked across the street to the hospital and called Jaime and my mom. Told them to sit tight and that I'd call them back once I knew how long I was going to be there etc. Labor and Delivery was expecting me and put me in a room. They got monitors on the babies right away and they were doing just fine. My blood pressure shot up even more - 166/90. At that point it sounded like they were going to monitor me for a couple hours. Then the attending Dr came in and asked me when I last ate. It was 12:30. I only ate a piece of bread and some cheese. He said that once the anesthesiologist got in they were going to decide if they should deliver the twins at 4:30, 6:30 or 8. Um, deliver the twins? Yes, he said they were worried about my blood pressure and didn't want to risk it. The twins were ready to come. I'm pretty sure my exact words were "Holy sh*t." 

I called Jaime, "Honey, the twins are coming tonight. Go home and grab the bags." 

My Dr came by and said that the surgery was scheduled for 8:00 pm. The cheese pushed it back. They wanted my stomach empty for 8 hours. At this point it was 4:00. Even though the c-section wasn't planned for this day they didn't have to rush it cause the babies were doing fine. The Doctors and nurses were able to take their time getting me prepped for the surgery. Jaime got there within the hour just as they were doing an ultra sound to see exactly how the babies were positioned. My mom showed up about 30 minutes later. The staff was fantastic and took their time explaining everything to me. I think I told everyone that came in my room that "I was freaked out." They all laughed, I think they hear that all the time.

In the final hours I went through many emotions. I was excited and scared. I laughed and I cried. I prayed and I tried to focus on my breathing to calm me down. 

At 8:00 the nurse took me to the delivery room. Jaime then started to put his scrubs on . They would come get him once my spinal was in. The operating room was very overwhelming and I decided not to look around. When I got in there it was just one nurse and the anesthesiologist. The nurse was awesome, she got me to stay focused and relaxed. The anesthesiologist was great, she walked me through each step and I just kept breathing and focused on what the nurse was saying. Honestly the spinal was simple, no pain at all. I think I made it out to be worse. Once my legs went limp, they laid me on the table and then the room was filled with Doctors, nurses, assistants etc. At this point everything went so fast. The anesthesiologist was telling me what was going on at all times. Once they poked me to see if I could feel anything, they got Jaime and started cutting me open. I didn't feel anything, not even the pressure they told me I might feel. But I did start shaking. I could not control it and the nurse told me it's very normal and just to let it happen. Once Jaime got in the room, he put his hands on my face and kissed my forehead, that kept me very calm, I told him not to move. "They're in" announced Jaime and the anesthesiologist, I was relieved, I still did not feel a thing, now I just waited for the cries of a baby. It seemed like eternity but I heard my Dr announce "here is baby A" and I heard a cry right away. I could see out of the corner of my eye Luke being handed off to the other Doctors and nurses. Within a minute I heard "here is baby B" and I heard the loudest scream ever, drama queen Anna was born. Jaime left me at this time and went to be with the babies. I heard him yell to me that they were doing great, they had lots of dark hair and they were breathing just fine. Such a relief. At this time I concentrated on staying calm as they put me back together. This process seemed to take a lot longer than I expected. I kept getting nauseous and the anesthesiologist responded with giving me different drugs in my IV. I later found out that my uterus was not contracting and they tried contracting it by hand and that did not work. During this extra time of me being "open" I ended up loosing a good amount of blood. I ended up with a blood transfusion the next day.

I don't remember much after this point. I remember them putting me on a bed and taking me to the recovery room. The twins were already in the room with Jaime and they were getting a bath. I looked out the door and saw my mom. She said I looked like I was in shock. I was still shaking and I wanted to stop so bad. I remember Jaime bringing the twins over to me so I could see them. I remember I didn't want to hold them at this point because I felt sick and I was still shaking so bad. I was afraid to drop them. I was so thirsty and a nurse gave me a glass of ice water, I slammed it and asked for more. I think I drank 3 glasses right away. I don't know how long I was in there. My mom said about 45 minutes. My Doctor came and talked to me, I don't remember much of the conversation. Next thing I knew they were rolling me up to my room. My mom, dad, sister and brother were all there. It was nice to see familiar faces. Jaime came in with the twins after me, they were in the nursery. I remember asking for a popsicle. I ended up eating two. I was starting to feel the pain from my incision. I asked for stronger drugs. Otherwise I don't remember much after that. The only thing that I am sad about is that I don't remember holding Luke and Anna for the first time. I don't know if I held them separately or together. I think I tried breastfeeding them right away in my room, but I don't even remember that.

 

The birth was amazing. If anyone ever tells me that I didn't experience the "real" thing because I had a C-section, (some women believe that) I will have a lot of words for them. It doesn't matter how you bring your children into this world, it's the most amazing experience I have ever gone through. It was very scary and there is a lot of pain involved but wow, no other words can explain the feeling of two babies coming out of you. The next day I had both of them laying on my chest and I just couldn't believe that I had these two in me for 9 months and now they were here, they are my children. They are beautiful. 

The staff at Columbia/St. Marys - Doctors, nurses, assistants, cleaning staff, food staff - were great. We were so pleased with everyone that was a part of our stay at the hospital. We learned so much from all the nurses and everyone was so nice and truly caring. 

And here is another pictures of my babies!

Introducing Luke and Anna

After a weekly Dr appointment that had me in tears and high blood pressure, my Dr decided it was time to bring Luke and Anna into our world. They were born Wednesday, June 26th around 8:45 pm via c-section. They are perfect and beautiful. I am still recovering but am doing OK. 

Proud dad minutes after they were born.
 Dad showing mom the babies

Luke Christian - 6 lbs, 7 oz, 19 in

Anna Christine - 5 lbs, 11 oz, 19.5 inches

36 weeks

We made it. When we found out we were having twins I just wanted to make it to 36 weeks. Many twins come earlier than 36 weeks and experience NICU time. I figured if we could make it to 36 weeks we would have little or no NICU time. Well, here we are and I'm ready for them to arrive! I'm pretty much stuck at home. My legs are huge, I'm sore, I am not sleeping and my ligaments that are holding up the babies are ready to pop. But if the babies want to stay, that's OK, they know what's best. 

I have also lost my appetite. I am constantly thirsty, which means trips to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes. Want to know what I had for dinner tonight? A piece of white bread (yep, white, I haven't had white bread in years.......sorry mom, I was craving it), cheese, big glass of milk and a popsicle. I love popsicles. My husband and I started talking about how our moms use to make popsicles when we were growing up. He said that this something we will have to do for our kids. He then said, "Guess what honey, we are now going to be the tooth-fairy too." I love how he thinks. I told him we are going to be Santa too. He replied by saying, "No, Santa is Santa." He then asked if I thought the government funded Santa. 

Isn't he a funny guy?

Randomness

First of all, thank you so much for your wonderful comments under my scared post. Let's see, what else is new:

-  Last Friday was my last day at work. I picked the perfect week to stop working. My legs are so swollen I can barely walk and I'm very uncomfortable. I'm on day three of sitting on the couch. 

 - At my weekly Dr. appointment yesterday I found out that I am dilated 1 cm and my cervix is thin. What does that mean? I could go into labor anytime between today and the next couple weeks. I'm excited that I'm on the way. My c-section is scheduled for July 5th. Not sure if I'll make it that far, but it's only 2 1/2 weeks away.

-  My husband suggested that I start packing the hospital bag for me and the twins. That was fun - picking out little outfits for them to come home in. 

- The nursery is pretty much ready to go. I still want to get some things up on the walls but we have all our big items and enough other things to get us started. We had three showers and we were spoiled! We have wonderful family and friends and are so blessed by everyone's generosity.

-  My cat has found a new sleeping spot - one of the bathtubs. It's the bathtub that has a sling/hammock and she curls up on it. We didn't catch this right away because the tub is under one of the cribs. Maybe I should put water in it once and see if she'll still sleep in it. Poor cat is in for shock!

That's it for today, I'll keep you updated on our progress!

Scared

And........ I have hit the panic phase. I have felt this a little bit here and there throughout the pregnancy but now I'm scared/panicked about everything.

1. Labor - I know, labor is part of the whole having a baby thing and woman are doing it all the time. That doesn't matter, I'm still scared. As of now we have a c-section scheduled and I know, things could change. Bur right now I'm scared of the spinal; I'm scared of the thought of being awake during surgery; I'm scared of being cut in open and getting stapled back together; I'm also freaked about the recovery. 

2. Feeding the babies - I want to breastfeed, that is the goal, but I have no clue what I'm doing. You can only read so much without becoming so overwhelmed. So many directions, so many opinions, so many different ways to do it. And twins? Will I be able to keep up? Should I feed them at the same time? Maybe I should pump at night? Will they get enough food? 

3. Getting my body back - I have gained over 50 lbs. I saw pictures of my legs this weekend. Are you serious? Those aren't my legs. I know some of it is contributed to being swollen but I have never seen my legs that big. I feel out of shape and I'm constantly out of breath. Again, I know, most of this is contributed to the babies. If I have the c-section, it will take me 6-8 weeks to recover. I would kill to go for a run right now. And I know that may not happen until mid-August. 

4. My life - Yep, it's going to change. We knew this when we decided we wanted to have kids. But now I'm scared. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my raging hormones right now. For 35 years I've been responsible for myself and the past 10 years my cat. I've been able to do what I want and when I want. Now two little babies are going to depend on me/us. All my decisions will be based on raising those two and doing it right. I can't just go to Jazz every Thursday. I have to make sure we have enough money for baby food and diapers. Sports and hobbies will be put on the side and picked up when we have time.  And so on. This is a new chapter and while I'm so excited to start it I'm also scared of the changes.

5. My relationship with my husband - I've heard great stories and I've heard nightmares. I am fully confident in our relationship. We are completely in love and have endured so much to get where we are today. I know we will be able to handle this together as a team. But I'm scared of how awesome things have been. I fear that he won't see me as being pretty and cute anymore. I'm afraid we won't have time for ourselves. I'm scared of loosing his attention. Wow, that sounded very selfish. 

6. Taking care of the babies - So much to worry about. So much to think about. Feeding them is just half of the whole picture. There is so much to worry about: 

• BPA free bottles
  
• SIDS
  
• Sleep
  
• The cat
  
• Are they too hot? Too cold?
  
• Why are they crying?
  
• Are they sick?
  
• When do I switch to milk?
  
• What about food?
  
• Are they strapped in the car properly?
  
• Is the stroller safe enough?
  

I know this is a natural fear in most women. But I'm still scared.

As you can see, I've hit the panic button. I've also cried out of fear. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the hormones but I'm still scared. Have I said this enough? My freak out stage caused me to spend too much money this weekend. I started throwing different baby items in my cart. I cried when I realized I didn't even have diaper cream and breast pads. The husband was not happy with my shopping spree. 

::sigh::

Big babies!

We had another ultrasound on Tuesday and both babies have gained a good amount of weight. Boy baby is 4 lbs and girl baby has caught up and is just under 4 lbs. Doctor was very happy with the way everything looked on the ultrasound. Boy baby is still breach.

Today I saw my OB and she was also happy with they way everything looked and heartbeats sounded great. She is going to schedule a c-section for Saturday, July 5th. I'll be 37 weeks and 5 days. We're going to have 4th of July babies! I'm so excited, that is my favorite holiday. There is still the possibility that he can flip to head down and I could go into labor on my own at anytime. But it's nice to have that date set and to focus on getting to that week. 

Another thing I learned today is that I'm now weighing......um.......170 lbs! I weighed 121 lbs before getting pregnant. I have gained 50 lbs. Wow, just wow! 

This past weekend I decided to have maternity pictures taken. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this.  There are some that I thought were kind of weird and some that were kind of too revealing so I debated for awhile. I haven't been taking pictures of my growing belly so I thought this could be fun. I don't think I'll ever be pregnant again! A friend of mine is an amazing photographer and she knew I was thinking about it and said she would take some pictures for me. I am so glad I decided to do this, she is so talented and I think did an amazing job. Here is just a sneak peak from her blog. Check out her other pictures too!

Bonjour Badger!

Introducing my brother, Josh Pope

My brother is a very talented person. And I'm not just saying that because he is my little brother. He truly has been blessed by God with an amazing talent. Every time I hear him sing I am just amazed at his ability and it usually brings me to tears. Not only can he sing but he writes his own music.
He started singing and acting when he was 5. He now writes his own music and composes music for other companies. He was recently given the opportunity to record a CD down in Chicago. You can listen to his music below on Nimbit and if you like it, you can buy each song for 99 cents. His music will also be up on itunes soon. The first song is a cover of Sarah McLachlan's "Angel." The other four songs are originals. Enjoy.

Note: I took the player down for now because it would automatically start playing - I know people don't always like that on blogs. If you want a link just post a comment. Thanks!!

My shower

I had the best shower last weekend. I can't believe how blessed I am with such a wonderful group of family and friends. 

My friend who hosted my shower went above and beyond and I was so touched as she opened up her house to people she has never met before. My family was there along family friends that have been a part of my life forever, friends from college and my newer group of friends that I actually met on the Internet. Everyone that attended has been a very special part of my life and have provided nothing but support and prayers through the years. 

I was completely overwhelmed and just before I started opening my presents I decided to thank everyone for being there and I completely broke down. I couldn't get any words out. I just sobbed. I was filled with so many different emotions. 

Here are a couple pictures from the day. Otherwise you can check out all the pics here:

Smugmug

Camera shy

28 week ultrasound pictures and this is what the twins decided to do. Believe me, they weren't sleeping. Not after the Eggos I fed them for breakfast. They were moving around like crazy all morning and during the ultrasound. But when it came to picture time this is what they both decided to do. Jaime was laughing so hard because this is what he does in the morning. He hates mornings and walks into the bathroom with his arms over his face mumbling, "I hate mornings, it's too bright." So either they are taking after their father or they are shy. Believe me, they are not shy if they are our kids. 

"Thor" is measuring about 3lbs and "Twila" is about 2lbs, 12 oz. Dr said they are looking great and we'll see him again in 3 weeks. "Thor" is still breech  and "Twila" in head down. Last week my OB said she doesn't see me going past 36 weeks which would put me delivering around June 23. That's two months people! 

I'm starting to feel a lot more tired. My feet are very swollen and my legs are very sore. I told Jaime that my body feels like it did when I was training for the marathon. I'm not sleeping well and I just can't get comfortable sleeping, sitting or standing. But it's all good, I have two beautiful babies growing inside of me, that is all that matters. They can beat me up all they want.

My shower is Saturday and  I can't wait to see all my family and friends. I feel so blessed. 

Time to Celebrate Graduation

Happy Graduation to everyone graduating in May/June. I remember the relief I always felt on graduation day. I also remember the excitement of accomplishing another segment of school and being nervous of what was next. I kind of want to go back to school again......... well, maybe.

I was going through some old pictures recently and had fun looking at my graduation pictures. I thought I would share and figured you would have a great laugh at my big hair. 

1987 - Confirmation picture, also graduated from 8th grade that year. 

High School Graduation 1991

College Graduation 1996

Grad School Graduation - 2004

Day with the Bats

I was able to spend the afternoon with my sister and her family. The wonderful people that Greg works with set up a photography session with the family. Samantha Provenzano came to their house and spent a couple hours taking photographs of the family mainly focusing on Zoe. I asked her if I could steal a couple shots when she wasn't taking pictures and she said, of course! My couple shots equals 119 pictures. It was so much fun to see all the kids interacting with each other and then putting all their attention on Zoe. She didn't have many preemie clothes so I ran out to Babies R Us and got her the cutest pink dress by Wendy Bellisssimo and some other preemie outfits. The dress was a little big but it worked and she wore it for some of the pictures. Below are my favorite pictures........enjoy!

I'll have to add more later......blogger is not working

Update on us

I am 26 weeks pregnant today. Wow, 26 weeks have gone by fast. If I go full term, I only have 14 weeks left. The twins are moving around like crazy as I type this. I love it. Sometimes, one of them kicks or punches me so hard it takes my breath away. I just smile, it's probably the most amazing feeling I have ever felt, although sometimes uncomfortable and painful. I feel so blessed to have these two little miracles growing inside of me.

We are making headway on the nursery. Both cribs and the dresser are assembled. We are just working on clearing out more space, putting things in storage and cleaning out the closest. 

My doctor appointments have been going well. Our last ultrasound was 2 weeks ago when I was 24 weeks. Dr said they look great an they are actually measuring ahead of schedule. I'm up to 152 lbs. That is 30 lbs over my start weight. I have never weighed that much before. It's pretty much all belly. My blood pressure is staying low and I passed my gestational diabetes test. 

I'm slowing down and that is starting to effect work. I work in special events. Last week I had an event and ended up working 4 hours overtime in one day. That didn't go over well. I was very sore and had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. Time to slow down and not work events like that anymore. 

Sleeping has not been going well for me. You can't sleep on your back this far along, and I couldn't if I tried. I can't sleep on my side anymore. The pressure kills my stomach. I have tried every body pillow and regular pillow combination. I am at the point where I can only sleep sitting up. Last night we spent 15 minutes getting me situated in bed. That lasted 30 minutes. I moved to the papasan chair and we spent another 15 minutes putting pillows around me, supporting my back, legs and arms. I was able to sleep until 2 am (2 hours of sleep). I was crushing my tailbone too much. I then moved to the couch. I slept off and on the rest of the night. It sucks and I'm tired but whatever is best for these babies is all that matters. As long as they are comfortable. I say this is God's way for preparing me for the no sleep that is ahead of me. 

We are getting so excited to welcome these little babies into the world. I am feeling excited, scared, overwhelmed but most of all, thankful. I just pray that I can be the best mom for these two. 

We are close on names........no, they will not be Twila and Thor forever.

I Would Die For That

Wow, I never heard this song until today. "I Would Die For That" was written by Kellie Coffey.

You can read about her struggles to get pregnant here.

Enjoy the video - warning, you may cry.  

My daddy is finally home

My dad's job took out of the state for the last two years. He was in TN for about 8 months and Maine the last 16. He was able to get home a lot and my mom was able to fly out and see him too, but it wasn't the same. He had to miss birthdays, jazz in the park, watching football with me on Sundays etc. But now he is coming home. Actually he got home today. I am so excited. I feel safe again. Does that make sense? I just feel good knowing he will be home with my mom. I'm happy that he'll be here in town to talk about and watch football with me. I'm so happy that he'll be able to see his grand kids anytime he wants and that he'll be home when our babies will be born. It's just good to have our dad back.

Welcome home to Wisconsin dad!

New Years Day 2006 before my Polar Bear Plunge. He was calling me crazy.

New blog name

It has been brought to my attention that I will have to rename my blog. I am not creative......any suggestions?
I was thinking:
Married with Twins (see, not creative)
No kids to two kids - the transition


Ugh, I'm brain dead....help!

Family Video

I stole this video from my brother in law Greg. 

His daughter Teia (my step niece) made this video. 

It includes Greg and my sister Jen's family and my family including the twins. 

I also included the lyrics to the song. This one makes me cry.

Where have you come from?
Where are you going?
Tell me what's brought you here now.
And is your heart singing?
Then share what your bringing;
We all are a part of the show.

'cause we are all going home,
'cause we are a family,
And we are all going home.
Are you listening?
We are all going home,
So come join the family,
'cause we are all going home.

But is your heart quiet?
Is something not right?
Can you tell me whats blocking your way?
Well, just ask the Father;
He knows every problem.
He'll carry that burden away.

'cause we are all going home,
'cause we are a family,
And we are all going home.
Are you listening?
We are all going home,
So come join the family,
cause we are a family,
And we are all going home.

Yes, we are all going home.

2 "This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: 3 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Little Zoe

This picture is from Wednesday when I first met Zoe, my sister is holding her. I was trying so hard to hold it together. But look at that sweet little angel. 

Life can be really confusing

When we found out that we were pregnant we also found out my sister was four months pregnant. But she was informed that her baby, a girl, had a hole in her heart. We knew that she was going to need heart surgery after she was born but we weren't sure when and the extent of the problems. 

Zoe was born on Saturday. She stopped breathing a couple times but was stable in the NICU by Saturday afternoon. Dr's weren't sure why she stopped breathing and didn't think it was related to the heart condition. Zoe got better over the weekend and into Monday. Then on Tuesday we were given the biggest blow....... Zoe has Trisomy 18.  If you don't know much about it you can click on that link. Basically it's an extra chromosome. Much like Trisomy 21 (which is also known as Down Syndrome) but it's fatal. Couple days, maybe a couple months.

Today I met my niece Zoe. They let her leave the NICU because at this point she is off most machines. This way we can all be with her whenever we want. She has her own room on the children's floor. There are beds in the rooms for parents to stay. My dad, brother and the three oldest kids (high school age) got to hospital and we went to the family lounge with my mom. Greg (brother in law) brought in the little boys - Ethan and Aidan (4 and 3) and we waited. My sister got Greg to show him Zoe in her new room. Then they kinda took us in groups to see Zoe. I went in with my mom and Aidan and Ethan came running out of the room yelling,  "Auntie Tracey come see baby Zoe!" My sister was rocking Zoe. Aidan and Ethan were so excited to see their little sister. They were touching her and hugging her and kissing her. I lost it. I felt sick. I stayed in there for a bit, held her hand and I just couldn't keep it together so I left. I went back to the lounge and sobbed hysterically with my dad and brother. 

Everyone left to take kids to work etc. So I packed up my bag and went back into the room and sat with my sister and Zoe. My sister just rocked her and kissed her and rocked her more. We talked a bit. I helped her get settled in her room. I stayed until 6:00. Jaime and I are going to go tomorrow afternoon and bring dinner for my sis. 

The hospital said they can stay there as long as they need. They had to discuss with doctors if they want to treat infections, be put on life support etc. 

Jenny is doing good. I don't like using the word good, how can anyone be good? But she is being real strong. She just wants things as normal as they can be for her. Greg just keeps saying, we are living in today. We can't live knowing she is going to die. We have to love her and make her happy. 

She is beautiful. She is so small. She is long and skinny. She opens her eyes when she hears other people. She does have a loud cry. I just can't believe she is going to die. It just doesn't make any sense in my head. I just have to keep telling myself that she is going to a much better peaceful place and we will all be with her again in heaven. She gets to meet Jesus before any of us. 

Here is my brother in law's blog if you would like to see pictures of Zoe.

http://www.batiansila.blogspot.com/