Thursday, July 31, 2008

It's hard

I am so in love with my children. Anna and Luke are the most adorable babies I have ever seen. But I am not going to lie to you, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. Just when I think I have them figured out and on a schedule, they surprise me. Overall they are very good babies but when they are both screaming at 3 am and nothing will stop them from screaming I want to cry, and I do cry. 
Maybe I'm trying too hard to keep them on a schedule and making sure they are sleeping in their cribs and eating over 4 oz. Maybe I'm expecting too much out of them. But I'm trying to do it right. 
People ask me if I'm getting sleep. I am, but the schedule is hard to get use to. Jaime gets home at 5 pm and takes over. I go to bed at 6 pm and sleep until midnight. Then he goes to bed and I take over, from midnight until 6 pm that night. It works, but it's lonely during the night shift. My very loyal cat hangs out with me but when Anna screams, she runs and hides. I would too if I could. 
I have been getting a lot of help from my mom and mother in law - Thank you! But I haven't been good at just getting out and leaving the babies. I feel like I need to stay with them. When they are sleeping or being held by someone else I am cleaning, taking a shower or I just sit and try to catch my breath.
Yesterday I finally just left. My mother in law and cousin were over and the babies were kinda sleeping. I got on my running shoes and grabbed my ipod and went for a run. That's right, I went for a run. I haven't run since we started IVF which was almost a year ago. It was a slow run but it was wonderful. I actually went for about 30 minutes. It was hard to get use to the jiggling going on in my stomach. Hopefully my Dr. isn't reading this because I haven't been released to run yet. It's only been 5 weeks. I will make sure I get out again soon. 
My emotions and hormones have been getting the best of me. Some days I'm fine, other days I'm a mess. I know that is normal and I am trying my best to keep them in check. One thing I'm trying to work on is socializing. I really don't have any desire to leave or see other people. I only want to be around my mom. This is very weird for me. I love to socialize and be around other people. Right now I just want my mommy. I don't know why I feel like this. I love my family and friends but I just feel comfortable being at home taking care of Anna and Luke. My mom has been getting me out for walks which has been helping. We also had lunch at Alterra and the Milwaukee Ale House. That was nice. It's all about baby steps. 
Overall things are going good. Anna and Luke are now 5 weeks old and are very healthy. And it looks like they are ready to eat again. I'll post some more pictures soon.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Friday, July 11, 2008

The day my miracles arrived

This took me a couple days to write...... the twins have taken over our lives!

On Wednesday, June 25th I knew something wasn't right. I felt worse than usual and couldn't stop crying. This was the first day that I truly wanted to go into labor. I was 36 weeks, 2 days and as much as I wanted to make it to our scheduled C-section on July 5th, I was ready for the twins to arrive. Deep down I had a feeling they were OK and ready to make their appearance. 
I had my weekly Dr appointment that day and I cried as I tried getting ready. I actually prayed that my water would break or that my Dr would just decide to do the c-section that coming weekend. 

Once I got to the Dr I was crying again. The nurse took my blood pressure and she looked concerned - 140/80. The highest it had been was 110/70. She took my protein test and all was clear. I waited for my Dr and started crying again - I had no control at this point. She came in and asked what was wrong. I told her I was beyond uncomfortable and just in a lot of pain. My legs were so swollen I could not bend them and I was short of breath. She told me she was sending me to the hospital to be monitored. She was worried about my blood pressure and preeclampsia. Part of me was scared and the other part of me was excited. She said that depending on what they find, they may just keep me there on bed rest so I could stay comfortable. 

I walked across the street to the hospital and called Jaime and my mom. Told them to sit tight and that I'd call them back once I knew how long I was going to be there etc. Labor and Delivery was expecting me and put me in a room. They got monitors on the babies right away and they were doing just fine. My blood pressure shot up even more - 166/90. At that point it sounded like they were going to monitor me for a couple hours. Then the attending Dr came in and asked me when I last ate. It was 12:30. I only ate a piece of bread and some cheese. He said that once the anesthesiologist got in they were going to decide if they should deliver the twins at 4:30, 6:30 or 8. Um, deliver the twins? Yes, he said they were worried about my blood pressure and didn't want to risk it. The twins were ready to come. I'm pretty sure my exact words were "Holy sh*t." 

I called Jaime, "Honey, the twins are coming tonight. Go home and grab the bags." 

My Dr came by and said that the surgery was scheduled for 8:00 pm. The cheese pushed it back. They wanted my stomach empty for 8 hours. At this point it was 4:00. Even though the c-section wasn't planned for this day they didn't have to rush it cause the babies were doing fine. The Doctors and nurses were able to take their time getting me prepped for the surgery. Jaime got there within the hour just as they were doing an ultra sound to see exactly how the babies were positioned. My mom showed up about 30 minutes later. The staff was fantastic and took their time explaining everything to me. I think I told everyone that came in my room that "I was freaked out." They all laughed, I think they hear that all the time.

In the final hours I went through many emotions. I was excited and scared. I laughed and I cried. I prayed and I tried to focus on my breathing to calm me down. 

At 8:00 the nurse took me to the delivery room. Jaime then started to put his scrubs on . They would come get him once my spinal was in. The operating room was very overwhelming and I decided not to look around. When I got in there it was just one nurse and the anesthesiologist. The nurse was awesome, she got me to stay focused and relaxed. The anesthesiologist was great, she walked me through each step and I just kept breathing and focused on what the nurse was saying. Honestly the spinal was simple, no pain at all. I think I made it out to be worse. Once my legs went limp, they laid me on the table and then the room was filled with Doctors, nurses, assistants etc. At this point everything went so fast. The anesthesiologist was telling me what was going on at all times. Once they poked me to see if I could feel anything, they got Jaime and started cutting me open. I didn't feel anything, not even the pressure they told me I might feel. But I did start shaking. I could not control it and the nurse told me it's very normal and just to let it happen. Once Jaime got in the room, he put his hands on my face and kissed my forehead, that kept me very calm, I told him not to move. "They're in" announced Jaime and the anesthesiologist, I was relieved, I still did not feel a thing, now I just waited for the cries of a baby. It seemed like eternity but I heard my Dr announce "here is baby A" and I heard a cry right away. I could see out of the corner of my eye Luke being handed off to the other Doctors and nurses. Within a minute I heard "here is baby B" and I heard the loudest scream ever, drama queen Anna was born. Jaime left me at this time and went to be with the babies. I heard him yell to me that they were doing great, they had lots of dark hair and they were breathing just fine. Such a relief. At this time I concentrated on staying calm as they put me back together. This process seemed to take a lot longer than I expected. I kept getting nauseous and the anesthesiologist responded with giving me different drugs in my IV. I later found out that my uterus was not contracting and they tried contracting it by hand and that did not work. During this extra time of me being "open" I ended up loosing a good amount of blood. I ended up with a blood transfusion the next day.

I don't remember much after this point. I remember them putting me on a bed and taking me to the recovery room. The twins were already in the room with Jaime and they were getting a bath. I looked out the door and saw my mom. She said I looked like I was in shock. I was still shaking and I wanted to stop so bad. I remember Jaime bringing the twins over to me so I could see them. I remember I didn't want to hold them at this point because I felt sick and I was still shaking so bad. I was afraid to drop them. I was so thirsty and a nurse gave me a glass of ice water, I slammed it and asked for more. I think I drank 3 glasses right away. I don't know how long I was in there. My mom said about 45 minutes. My Doctor came and talked to me, I don't remember much of the conversation. Next thing I knew they were rolling me up to my room. My mom, dad, sister and brother were all there. It was nice to see familiar faces. Jaime came in with the twins after me, they were in the nursery. I remember asking for a popsicle. I ended up eating two. I was starting to feel the pain from my incision. I asked for stronger drugs. Otherwise I don't remember much after that. The only thing that I am sad about is that I don't remember holding Luke and Anna for the first time. I don't know if I held them separately or together. I think I tried breastfeeding them right away in my room, but I don't even remember that.
The birth was amazing. If anyone ever tells me that I didn't experience the "real" thing because I had a C-section, (some women believe that) I will have a lot of words for them. It doesn't matter how you bring your children into this world, it's the most amazing experience I have ever gone through. It was very scary and there is a lot of pain involved but wow, no other words can explain the feeling of two babies coming out of you. The next day I had both of them laying on my chest and I just couldn't believe that I had these two in me for 9 months and now they were here, they are my children. They are beautiful. 

The staff at Columbia/St. Marys - Doctors, nurses, assistants, cleaning staff, food staff - were great. We were so pleased with everyone that was a part of our stay at the hospital. We learned so much from all the nurses and everyone was so nice and truly caring. 

And here is another pictures of my babies!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Introducing Luke and Anna

After a weekly Dr appointment that had me in tears and high blood pressure, my Dr decided it was time to bring Luke and Anna into our world. They were born Wednesday, June 26th around 8:45 pm via c-section. They are perfect and beautiful. I am still recovering but am doing OK. 

Proud dad minutes after they were born.
 Dad showing mom the babies

Luke Christian - 6 lbs, 7 oz, 19 in
Anna Christine - 5 lbs, 11 oz, 19.5 inches