It's a boy and a girl!

I will give more of an update later but I just wanted to post that my Dr confirmed last week (at 16 weeks) that we are having a boy and a girl. They are doing great! Such an amazing miracle.
I just think this song is so appropriate:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Updates!

The morning of January 14, I had some issues again. (I won't go into detail.) This pregnancy isn’t going to be easy. I called my Dr. and she brought me in right away and everything seemed OK. Given my issues she thought it would be good to see the Perinatologist earlier than waiting until 16 weeks. I was 13 weeks at the time. A Perinatologist is an obstetrical sub-specialist concerned with the care of the mom and baby at higher than normal risk for complication. Being pregnant with twins puts me in the high risk category. They want to monitor the twin’s progress and make sure they are growing properly. My Dr. scheduled us to see him that Wednesday, January 16. We will see the Perinatologist, Dr. Pearcan, every 4 weeks. Jaime came with me to this appointment because I knew that they were going to use high tech equipment and it would be really cool.

The ultrasound was amazing. Both the babies were both moving around like crazy. He measured their arms, legs, stomach and heads. We could see their hearts beating and four chambers! He was even surprised to see what he thought was a penis! He said if he was a betting man he would say it is a boy and a girl. But it’s still early and he hopes to confirm in three weeks. Baby A, who the Dr. thinks is the boy, was rolling around like crazy and Baby B, who he thinks is the girl, was just chilling out but put up her arm and we could see her fingers spread out. Just amazing, what a miracle.

He couldn’t see anything that was causing my spotting and bleeding. So for now I just have to trust that the babies are fine and just keep laying low. I see both Doctors again in 1 1/2 weeks; I'll be 16 weeks.

Overall I have been feeling great. I am in maternity clothes because my stomach has popped. I still have some food aversions which is mainly meat.

Here are two amazing pictures.

Here is the 11 week, 3 day picture

I forgot to post it earlier.
Today I had my 12 week appointment with my Dr. I love her. She gave me this huge binder that the hospital put together for all pregnant couples. It contains info on the hospital, nutrition, classes, labor, caring for newborn, breastfeeding and much more.

She checked for the heartbeats and she could hear two! My uterus is measuring at 16 weeks (larger of course cause I have twins). I gained about 3 1/2 lbs since my first appointment. She reminded me that I need to gain about 20 lbs by 20 weeks. Bring on the custard! I wish there was a Kopps Custard stand downtown. I asked her when I need to take out my belly button ring and she said she'll give it a month. She told me how to take it out - how to pull the ball out and pull back the ring, it was kind of funny. Then she told me she would just take it out for me at the next appointment. I will start ultrasounds in four weeks and have them about every month. They will check to make sure the twins are growing at the same rate.

I'm feeling a little more confident about the pregnancy but I'm still nervous. I'm trying to enjoy being pregnant. Oh, I actually have to go clothes shopping this weekend. My current clothes are getting tight.

Infertility thoughts

Yes, I'm pregnant, does that mean I'm not suffering through infertility anymore? No.

I have been paranoid these past 11 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy. I'm sure every woman has fears related to being pregnant and staying pregnant. But as I laid on the ultrasound table on Thursday with tears in my eyes I told the tech, "it took us 2 1/2 years to get this far, I can't be loosing these babies now and do it all over again." (That's another story I'll tell in a bit.)

I've spent the last year on The Nest and their Trouble Trying to Conceive Board. This chat board helped get me through my fears and questions regarding infertility. The women on that board are some of the strongest women I have ever "met" in my life. The Nest also has other boards for those of us who are pregnant - 1st, 2nd and 3rd trimesters boards, multiples boards and they have recently created a success after IF (Infertility) board. I have been visiting the 1st trimester board and of course the success after IF board. You may think there isn't much of a difference, but really, there is a big difference. It's not bad, but I don't feel like I belong on the 1st trimester board. There are some women on there who don't want to be pregnant, some who it took only 1 month to get pregnant and some who don't want to have any pregnancy symptoms. I WANT THE PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS! I want to puke, I want to cry, I want my boobs to hurt. And I know a lot of my fellow success after IF women feel the same way. Yes, call us crazy. But then again most of us spent our savings and injected ourselves with needles for months just to get pregnant.

Infertility will stay with me forever. And I'm OK with that. I will always visit the T-TTC board on The Nest and answer questions and give as much support to those wonderful women. I will continue to help fight insurance companies on their lack of coverage of infertility treatments and I hope to continue to create awareness of infertility. I will continue to live in fear throughout this pregnancy until I see my miracle babies. And every time I look at them I will be reminded of our journey.

Regarding my ultra sound episode on Thursday, no that was not scheduled. We had another scare. I won't get into details but I had to rush to the hospital on Thursday afternoon to get an ultrasound. The babies are fine, measuring 12 weeks and hearts beating away. Baby A even decided to wave at me. It looks like I still have some cysts and I just have to take it easy. I'll post another picture of the babies. I can't believe how big they have grown in just a week.

Happy New Year, bring on 2008

We can't believe it's 2008 already. Even though this year was tough on us with our infertility journey, it really did seem to fly by. We have so much to be thankful for from this past year.

I took on more responsibilities at my job and accomplished a lot that I can be proud of. Our department has expanded and we finally have clear goals. I enjoy working with my team and I'm excited to tackle my personal goals for 2008. 2007 ended with a good review and I'm ready to build off of that.

We both got more involved with our church in music, sports and with the youth. We have met many wonderful people and are starting to build relationships with them. We love our church and feel so blessed to be part of a great congregation.

My father in law was diagnosed with bladder cancer two years ago and this October he has been clear of cancer for two years! This is a big milestone for the type of cancer he had. We were obviously thrilled when we got the news. His cancer screens now go from every three months to every six months.

We enjoyed a great summer full of trips to Washington Island, camping, volleyball, Jazz in the Park, Summerfest, State Fair, Brewer games, Gufs/BoDeans Concert, Toby Keith concert, long walks at night along the lakefront, trips to the farmers market, Riversplash, and much more.

I was able to take a trip out to the east coast to see my dad who is currently in Maine his job. My mom was there too and we had a blast! I was able to go whale watching and capture many great pictures with my new camera.

Even though we struggled with infertility this year, the entire process really brought us closer to each other. We learned about about the world of infertility and I took on the job of informing many others about it and the flaws of insurance.

We met Oprah.

We are finally pregnant. I honestly can say that I never thought I would be pregnant. Not only are we pregnant we are having twins. It's hard to believe that in January we were seriously doubting if we could have one baby and now we are blessed with two. We still have a long road ahead of us but we feel we have gotten through so much in this year.

Happy New Year to all! I hope you have a great 2008.

We saw our babies yesterday

I thought it was stressful trying to get pregnant. I am just as stressed being pregnant! Some of this is probably too much info but it's part of pregnancy. I started spotting on Christmas Day (Second time since we found out I am pregnant. First time was from first ultrasound and everything was OK). I pretty much was in a panic all day. Then it stopped at night. But I got up at 3 am to go to bathroom and it started again but worse. I sat up all night freaking out. I called my Dr. right at 9 am and they had me come in. She said my cervix was still closed but she can't tell where it was coming from. So she sent me in for an ultrasound. I was so relieved to know I was going to see what was really going on.

We have 4 arms, 4 legs, two heartbeats going at 171 and they are both measuring exactly 10 weeks 4 days. (I'm 10 weeks 3 days). Twin A was doing flips. The Dr doing the ultrasound said I have about 4 - 5 cysts and it looks like one ruptured and that is what is probably bleeding. He could see fluid right by one of them. He said they won't harm babies but I may experience some pain and more spotting/bleeding. I feel so much better. So freaking cool to see them big and moving around. Call me paranoid mother already.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!

We're hanging in there

First of all I must say - GO PACKERS!! 12-2 baby and the Cowboys lost too. What a year, we never thought we would be 12-2. Don't you love how I say "we" when I talk about Packers?

The snow must stop. If you don't know this already, I hate snow. HATE. Despise. I know, I know, I am in the wrong state and yes I grew up here. I have never liked it and never will. The advantage of living in a condo is that I do not have to shovel. I have huge icicles hanging off my window that could kill someone if they fell. I thank God for my four wheel drive. I will never go back as long as I live in WI. Oh, and can we talk about how cold it is?

We've been busy getting ready for Christmas. I can't believe Christmas Eve is a week away. The tree is up, most of the presents are purchased, Christmas music is being played in our house and cars. But as our Pastor pointed out today, the most important reason why we celebrate Christmas is easily forgotten during all the craziness - the birth of our Savior.

As for the twins? I think they are doing good. I wish I could have an ultra sound ever week to make sure they are OK. I'm trying be patient as we wait for our next Dr appointment on January 9th. We hope to actually hear the heartbeats at that appointment. It's so hard to stay calm and positive. I think so many years of failure makes it hard to be excited and positive. I'm taking care of myself and trying to place my faith in God. It doesn't help that I have always been a worrier.

Have a great week and stay warm!

Picture of the babies

I promised I would post a picture of the ultrasound.

We are doing good. I'm 7 weeks and 3 days today. Still cautious, nervous, excited and scared. I have my first OB appointment tomorrow.

We are pregnant!................With twins!!

Sorry for not giving an update sooner. I just wanted to feel a little more confident with our confirmed pregnancy.
Monday, November 12 was my first blood test. I had cramps all weekend and I was sure I was not pregnant. My plans for that Monday night were to go for a long run and drink some wine. But the nurse called and said, "congratulations, you are pregnant." I think my response was "huh?" My beta (for those who are familiar with those numbers) was 155. Shocked, complete shock. We were 4 weeks. I had to get another blood test on Thursday, November 15. Those numbers had to double, which they did to 750. I didn't have any symptoms except that I was beyond bloated. We were excited to finally know that we could get pregnant, but we were staying very cautious. We told close family members and friends who knew our IVF schedule but told them to not get so excited yet, it's still very early.
Yesterday was probably one of the most amazing days of my life. We went down to Gurnee for our ultrasound. Dr. Sherbahn performed the ultrasound and Dr. Jain was in there too. We saw a pregnancy sack right away and Dr. Sherbahn focused in on it more and there was this little baby and he said, "there's the heartbeat." It was so clear. I started to cry. Then he said, "lets look to see if there is another." I was thinking it would have been visible right away if there were two. "There is the other pregnancy sack" he said "and there is another heartbeat." Wow. I was squeezing Jaime's hand so hard. Then Dr. Sherbahn said, "Twins are OK, right?" We both laughed and said of course, we feel so blessed.
He went back and measured each of them and they were measuring perfect. I was 6 weeks and 4 days yesterday and they were measuring 6 weeks and 3 days which according to Dr. Sherbahn is perfect. We got to see the heartbeats again and they took some pictures.
We said goodbye to all the Doctors and nurses and that was sad! We really loved every single person in that clinic. I highly recommend it to anyone going through infertilityand lives in the area. It was worth the hour drive and we would have drove more.
It is still early. I'm only 6 weeks and 5 days. We are excited but still very cautious. We are just going to take one day at a time.
We are just so thrilled to know that we can actually get pregnant, we have never been this far in the 2 1/2 years that we have been trying.
I will post a picture of our BABIES once I scan them.
Thank you again for stopping by and posting such wonderful comments.

A little late, but better than never

Happy Thanksgiving. It's been a long year for us but I do have a lot to be thankful for.
1. My husband. He has been my strength and best friend through this year. I don't know what I would do without him.
2. My family. It's been hard not having our dad around this year but we have pulled together and gotten each other through this year. We had reasons to laugh and cry and we have been there for each other through it all.
3. My in-laws. They have always welcomed me into their family and I have always felt part of the group.
4. My cat. She's been with me for ten years and she is my babe. She sits by me when I cry, she makes me laugh, she snuggles at night and has learned to talk back to me.
5. My girlfriends. I love them dearly. Everyday I can expect to laugh from their emails. They have been the most supportive group of ladies.
6. My new ifriends. Funny who you can "meet" on the Internet.
7. Our condo. Such a blessing to have a wonderful place to live and be so close to work.
8. My job. I have accomplished a lot this year and I'm still learning. I am looking forward to a new year and a new group of co-workers.
9. Our church. We have gotten more involved with music and the youth and have had the opportunity to meet more people and establish wonderful relationships. We are so privileged to have a wonderful Pastor and caring staff.
10. Washington Island. My in-laws have a house up there and we get to go up there for our little vacations during the summer. It's always a relaxing and fun time.
11. The Packers. 10-1 baby!
12. Reruns of friends.
13. A good glass of red wine.
14. A long run along the lakefront.
15. Jazz in the Park.
16. Summer

Happy Turkey Day! I hope you had time to reflect what you were thankful for and had plenty of pumpkin pie.

We will know next week

But I probably won't post any results right away. I want to give us time to take everything in and either be sad or happy. I also want to have time to inform family of either result.

But I will post a result at some point when I feel comfortable. Sorry!

I'm trying to be positive.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts, comments and prayers. It really means so much to us.

The most beautiful picture

Those are our embryos. Three of them. Wow, isn't it amazing? Isn't science amazing? Isn't God amazing?
The two on top were higher quality so we transferred those. The third may continue to grow and if it does, we hope to freeze it.

Everything went smooth today.

We are truly blessed by all of you who have been thinking of us, praying for us and posting comments and sending notes.

Now I relax.

I pray this cycle works. If it doesn't we at least know we have two more chances, my eggs are good, we can fertilize and we can get embryos. This is very good news for us.

Update

The egg retrieval went good. We got there at 10 am and they took us to our own room. They started prepping me right away. The bad part was once the IV needle was in I became faint and they had to lower my bed which helped. Once I got in the procedure room things happened fast. The nurses, doctors and medical assistants were efficient, personable and very informative. They got me in the bed, gave me oxygen, put me in these crazy stir-ups (not your typical stir-ups) and then started the drugs. The good, sweet, wonderful drugs. I was conscious but sedated. The doctors came in and I started talking football to one of them and then I don't remember much. I felt two little pinches as he was puncturing the wall to get to the eggs. That is all I remember. I was back in my room with Jaime in no time. I was so drugged up, my blood pressure was as low as 87/43. They nurses checked on me every 5 minutes. Dr. Sherbahn came in to report they got 6 eggs; not bad, not great but good. The nurses had to give us our finally instructions and we were on our way home. I was a little nauseous on the way home but once I got on my couch I started feeling better, just some slight cramps.

Today was got the fertilization report. Of the 6 eggs, 5 were good and they were able to ICSI the five (inject sperm directly into the egg) and 4 fertilized. Tentative embryo transfer set is set for Thursday.

I'm happy and sad. I'm happy to know I have good eggs. I'm happy to know that my eggs and his sperm can fertilize. But I'm sad that we are doing a three day transfer vs. a five day transfer. Usually a five day transfer has higher success rates. I'm also sad that we only got 6 eggs. Some women can get 20 or 30! But it's all numbers and it can get very overwhelming. I have to just stop thinking about it and continue to do what I can do to make this work. I have to let go, and trust the doctors and God.

So my feelings today were:

• Great! They fertilized 4 eggs.
• Only 4?
• Why can't I get pregnant, I'm healthy, I take care of my body, I want a baby. I'm sick of people around me getting pregnant that aren't even planning it!
• OK, at least we know my eggs are good.
• We do have two more chances if this doesn't work.
• God is in control.
• I can't believe I have to get a 1 1/2 inch needle shoved into my rear tonight.
• Wow, right now down in Gurnee, IL our babies are being created in a dish. Our babies. A piece of me and Jaime.
  
• Just pray hard for strong embryos.

I'll let you know tomorrow how bad that progesterone shot really is. Ugh.

Bravelle, Menopur and Ganirelix Oh My!

What is that you ask? The names of the drugs that have taken over my body this past week. Bravelle is a highly purified preparation of human follicle stimulating hormone (hFSH). Menopur is a highly purified preparation of naturally derived gonadotropins, called hMG. It contains equal amounts of 2 kinds of hormonal activity: follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which helps stimulate egg production; and luteinizing hormone (LH), which helps the eggs mature and release (ovulate). And finally, Ganirelix is used to suppress premature luteinizing hormone (LH) surges. This prevents eggs from being released prematurely.

This is a picture of how we prepared every morning and evening for the drugs.













Here is a picture of all those drugs that we have used.













The good news is that our egg retrieval (click on egg retrieval for a description of procedure) is scheduled for tomorrow morning. This means I have responded well to all the drugs. I'm nervous and excited. I would really like to see 8-10 eggs. They also need to be mature and of high quality. Hopefully we'll get a great fertilization report. The embryo transplant will take place 3-5 days after the egg retrieval. During this time I will need to start taking progesterone, by injection, which a hormone that is naturally produced in the ovaries It will help to prepare and thicken the lining of the uterus for the implantation of a fertilized egg. Progesterone is necessary to support and maintain a pregnancy should conception occur. The injections goes in my butt, the needle is 1 1/2 inches long. And the entire needle must go into my muscle. People, I don't do needles. This has been hard enough. Do you know how big that needle is?














That is big! I'm really freaked by that injection, and there is more than one. Trying so hard to stay positive. I'll update you when I find out how many eggs we get. Thank you for all your support, comments, prayers and for reading!

We have started the injections

Ouch.
Saturday morning we were scheduled for a "loading dose" which required two separate injections. My husband was amazing. I started mixing the drugs but was nervous and was shaking a bit so he took over and was very calm. These injections are going in my stomach, so we did one on one side and one on the other. Not too bad we thought. This morning the injection hurt a little more and drew some blood. I don't have tons of fat on my stomach so he hit the muscle a bit. My stomach has been a little sore all day. I've been really tired and I have a bad headache. I'm sure it's just from the stress. Tonight's injection sucked. I thought I picked a good fatty spot and was in a good position. Nope, it hurt and I started crying. I don't know if I cried because it hurt or if because I was frustrated and started thinking of how much more we have to do. More injections, more blood, more ultrasounds etc.
This too shall pass.

Here is a picture of us mixing our injections Saturday morning.

I'm enjoying the last of my wine

I need to catch up. But real quick, we had our baseline ultrasound and bloodwork on Wed. Everything looks good. The nurses were great and answered all my questions, which included, "What can I do and not do once I start my medications on Saturday."
"Treat your body like you are pregnant. No alcohol, ibuprofen, medications, caffeine, etc."
OK, I don't drink much beer or liquor but I love my wine. I just love the taste of wine. I can't drink anymore wine starting on Saturday. I have two nights left to drink wine. Honestly, I pray to God that I can't drink wine for the next 9-10 months. But I am still going to miss it. I plan to try some NA wine. Let me know if you have tried any NA's that are good! Thanks.

National Infertility Awareness Week

What an incredible week. Not just because we were on Oprah and got our photo with Oprah in the mail yesterday, but because of all the amazing support we have received from our family, friends and strangers. I have "met" so many more amazing women who are going through infertility. I am so thrilled that people are speaking out and trying to create more awareness. Because of all the new connections, I just found out that there is a National Infertility Association and that November 4 - 10 is National Infertility Awareness Week.

Time to brainstorm on how I can and will participate.

Did you all see this?

Oprah

Wow, we are completely overwhelmed with the comments, response, support and well wishes we have received today. We wanted to create awareness and I think we got a good start with Oprah today.

Thank you to everyone for your comments, prayers, support and love.

Oh, and look at what arrived today!

Oprah show will air tomorrow

You can check out www.oprah.com for the preview. The title of the show is "Lisa Ling Investigates: Wombs for Rent."

We should be on near the end of the show. Just don't know how they will edit it. Even if we aren't, I think it was a great show and very informative.