36 weeks

We made it. When we found out we were having twins I just wanted to make it to 36 weeks. Many twins come earlier than 36 weeks and experience NICU time. I figured if we could make it to 36 weeks we would have little or no NICU time. Well, here we are and I'm ready for them to arrive! I'm pretty much stuck at home. My legs are huge, I'm sore, I am not sleeping and my ligaments that are holding up the babies are ready to pop. But if the babies want to stay, that's OK, they know what's best. 

I have also lost my appetite. I am constantly thirsty, which means trips to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes. Want to know what I had for dinner tonight? A piece of white bread (yep, white, I haven't had white bread in years.......sorry mom, I was craving it), cheese, big glass of milk and a popsicle. I love popsicles. My husband and I started talking about how our moms use to make popsicles when we were growing up. He said that this something we will have to do for our kids. He then said, "Guess what honey, we are now going to be the tooth-fairy too." I love how he thinks. I told him we are going to be Santa too. He replied by saying, "No, Santa is Santa." He then asked if I thought the government funded Santa. 

Isn't he a funny guy?

Randomness

First of all, thank you so much for your wonderful comments under my scared post. Let's see, what else is new:

-  Last Friday was my last day at work. I picked the perfect week to stop working. My legs are so swollen I can barely walk and I'm very uncomfortable. I'm on day three of sitting on the couch. 

 - At my weekly Dr. appointment yesterday I found out that I am dilated 1 cm and my cervix is thin. What does that mean? I could go into labor anytime between today and the next couple weeks. I'm excited that I'm on the way. My c-section is scheduled for July 5th. Not sure if I'll make it that far, but it's only 2 1/2 weeks away.

-  My husband suggested that I start packing the hospital bag for me and the twins. That was fun - picking out little outfits for them to come home in. 

- The nursery is pretty much ready to go. I still want to get some things up on the walls but we have all our big items and enough other things to get us started. We had three showers and we were spoiled! We have wonderful family and friends and are so blessed by everyone's generosity.

-  My cat has found a new sleeping spot - one of the bathtubs. It's the bathtub that has a sling/hammock and she curls up on it. We didn't catch this right away because the tub is under one of the cribs. Maybe I should put water in it once and see if she'll still sleep in it. Poor cat is in for shock!

That's it for today, I'll keep you updated on our progress!

Scared

And........ I have hit the panic phase. I have felt this a little bit here and there throughout the pregnancy but now I'm scared/panicked about everything.

1. Labor - I know, labor is part of the whole having a baby thing and woman are doing it all the time. That doesn't matter, I'm still scared. As of now we have a c-section scheduled and I know, things could change. Bur right now I'm scared of the spinal; I'm scared of the thought of being awake during surgery; I'm scared of being cut in open and getting stapled back together; I'm also freaked about the recovery. 

2. Feeding the babies - I want to breastfeed, that is the goal, but I have no clue what I'm doing. You can only read so much without becoming so overwhelmed. So many directions, so many opinions, so many different ways to do it. And twins? Will I be able to keep up? Should I feed them at the same time? Maybe I should pump at night? Will they get enough food? 

3. Getting my body back - I have gained over 50 lbs. I saw pictures of my legs this weekend. Are you serious? Those aren't my legs. I know some of it is contributed to being swollen but I have never seen my legs that big. I feel out of shape and I'm constantly out of breath. Again, I know, most of this is contributed to the babies. If I have the c-section, it will take me 6-8 weeks to recover. I would kill to go for a run right now. And I know that may not happen until mid-August. 

4. My life - Yep, it's going to change. We knew this when we decided we wanted to have kids. But now I'm scared. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my raging hormones right now. For 35 years I've been responsible for myself and the past 10 years my cat. I've been able to do what I want and when I want. Now two little babies are going to depend on me/us. All my decisions will be based on raising those two and doing it right. I can't just go to Jazz every Thursday. I have to make sure we have enough money for baby food and diapers. Sports and hobbies will be put on the side and picked up when we have time.  And so on. This is a new chapter and while I'm so excited to start it I'm also scared of the changes.

5. My relationship with my husband - I've heard great stories and I've heard nightmares. I am fully confident in our relationship. We are completely in love and have endured so much to get where we are today. I know we will be able to handle this together as a team. But I'm scared of how awesome things have been. I fear that he won't see me as being pretty and cute anymore. I'm afraid we won't have time for ourselves. I'm scared of loosing his attention. Wow, that sounded very selfish. 

6. Taking care of the babies - So much to worry about. So much to think about. Feeding them is just half of the whole picture. There is so much to worry about: 

• BPA free bottles
  
• SIDS
  
• Sleep
  
• The cat
  
• Are they too hot? Too cold?
  
• Why are they crying?
  
• Are they sick?
  
• When do I switch to milk?
  
• What about food?
  
• Are they strapped in the car properly?
  
• Is the stroller safe enough?
  

I know this is a natural fear in most women. But I'm still scared.

As you can see, I've hit the panic button. I've also cried out of fear. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the hormones but I'm still scared. Have I said this enough? My freak out stage caused me to spend too much money this weekend. I started throwing different baby items in my cart. I cried when I realized I didn't even have diaper cream and breast pads. The husband was not happy with my shopping spree. 

::sigh::

Big babies!

We had another ultrasound on Tuesday and both babies have gained a good amount of weight. Boy baby is 4 lbs and girl baby has caught up and is just under 4 lbs. Doctor was very happy with the way everything looked on the ultrasound. Boy baby is still breach.

Today I saw my OB and she was also happy with they way everything looked and heartbeats sounded great. She is going to schedule a c-section for Saturday, July 5th. I'll be 37 weeks and 5 days. We're going to have 4th of July babies! I'm so excited, that is my favorite holiday. There is still the possibility that he can flip to head down and I could go into labor on my own at anytime. But it's nice to have that date set and to focus on getting to that week. 

Another thing I learned today is that I'm now weighing......um.......170 lbs! I weighed 121 lbs before getting pregnant. I have gained 50 lbs. Wow, just wow! 

This past weekend I decided to have maternity pictures taken. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this.  There are some that I thought were kind of weird and some that were kind of too revealing so I debated for awhile. I haven't been taking pictures of my growing belly so I thought this could be fun. I don't think I'll ever be pregnant again! A friend of mine is an amazing photographer and she knew I was thinking about it and said she would take some pictures for me. I am so glad I decided to do this, she is so talented and I think did an amazing job. Here is just a sneak peak from her blog. Check out her other pictures too!

Bonjour Badger!

My shower

I had the best shower last weekend. I can't believe how blessed I am with such a wonderful group of family and friends. 

My friend who hosted my shower went above and beyond and I was so touched as she opened up her house to people she has never met before. My family was there along family friends that have been a part of my life forever, friends from college and my newer group of friends that I actually met on the Internet. Everyone that attended has been a very special part of my life and have provided nothing but support and prayers through the years. 

I was completely overwhelmed and just before I started opening my presents I decided to thank everyone for being there and I completely broke down. I couldn't get any words out. I just sobbed. I was filled with so many different emotions. 

Here are a couple pictures from the day. Otherwise you can check out all the pics here:

Smugmug

Camera shy

28 week ultrasound pictures and this is what the twins decided to do. Believe me, they weren't sleeping. Not after the Eggos I fed them for breakfast. They were moving around like crazy all morning and during the ultrasound. But when it came to picture time this is what they both decided to do. Jaime was laughing so hard because this is what he does in the morning. He hates mornings and walks into the bathroom with his arms over his face mumbling, "I hate mornings, it's too bright." So either they are taking after their father or they are shy. Believe me, they are not shy if they are our kids. 

"Thor" is measuring about 3lbs and "Twila" is about 2lbs, 12 oz. Dr said they are looking great and we'll see him again in 3 weeks. "Thor" is still breech  and "Twila" in head down. Last week my OB said she doesn't see me going past 36 weeks which would put me delivering around June 23. That's two months people! 

I'm starting to feel a lot more tired. My feet are very swollen and my legs are very sore. I told Jaime that my body feels like it did when I was training for the marathon. I'm not sleeping well and I just can't get comfortable sleeping, sitting or standing. But it's all good, I have two beautiful babies growing inside of me, that is all that matters. They can beat me up all they want.

My shower is Saturday and  I can't wait to see all my family and friends. I feel so blessed. 

Update on us

I am 26 weeks pregnant today. Wow, 26 weeks have gone by fast. If I go full term, I only have 14 weeks left. The twins are moving around like crazy as I type this. I love it. Sometimes, one of them kicks or punches me so hard it takes my breath away. I just smile, it's probably the most amazing feeling I have ever felt, although sometimes uncomfortable and painful. I feel so blessed to have these two little miracles growing inside of me.

We are making headway on the nursery. Both cribs and the dresser are assembled. We are just working on clearing out more space, putting things in storage and cleaning out the closest. 

My doctor appointments have been going well. Our last ultrasound was 2 weeks ago when I was 24 weeks. Dr said they look great an they are actually measuring ahead of schedule. I'm up to 152 lbs. That is 30 lbs over my start weight. I have never weighed that much before. It's pretty much all belly. My blood pressure is staying low and I passed my gestational diabetes test. 

I'm slowing down and that is starting to effect work. I work in special events. Last week I had an event and ended up working 4 hours overtime in one day. That didn't go over well. I was very sore and had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. Time to slow down and not work events like that anymore. 

Sleeping has not been going well for me. You can't sleep on your back this far along, and I couldn't if I tried. I can't sleep on my side anymore. The pressure kills my stomach. I have tried every body pillow and regular pillow combination. I am at the point where I can only sleep sitting up. Last night we spent 15 minutes getting me situated in bed. That lasted 30 minutes. I moved to the papasan chair and we spent another 15 minutes putting pillows around me, supporting my back, legs and arms. I was able to sleep until 2 am (2 hours of sleep). I was crushing my tailbone too much. I then moved to the couch. I slept off and on the rest of the night. It sucks and I'm tired but whatever is best for these babies is all that matters. As long as they are comfortable. I say this is God's way for preparing me for the no sleep that is ahead of me. 

We are getting so excited to welcome these little babies into the world. I am feeling excited, scared, overwhelmed but most of all, thankful. I just pray that I can be the best mom for these two. 

We are close on names........no, they will not be Twila and Thor forever.

I have two little humans inside of me!

The babies are kicking a lot. It is the most amazing thing I have ever felt. I can't even describe how our outlook on life has changed, and the babies are not even here yet.

My husband I watched Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Tuesday night. Detective Stabler's wife was pregnant and she was in a car accident with Oliva (Stabler's partner). She was trapped in the car, in and out of consciousness and her water broke. The next 10 minutes the show focused on the emergency personnel cutting her out of the car while Oliva stabilized her neck, gave her an IV and kept her calm and awake. The baby was coming, that's all she could keep saying. During those 10 minutes my husband and I had tears running down our face. I know it's only a TV show but all I could do was think about that baby and then my babies. I just held my stomach as my little ones were kicking each other. It made us realize how much these babies are going to depend on us, or I should say, already depend on us. It’s exciting and very scary at the same time. It also made us realize how much we love the twins and they aren’t even born yet.

I love it when the twins move around and kick me or kick each other. I stop what I am doing and rub my stomach and talk to them.  I get so distracted by their movements. Then I realize how much they need me and it’s the most amazing feeling. What a miracle that I have two little babies growing inside me. 

Do you have a pet? You know how it feels to know that they are so dependent on you to take care of them? And then you hear about how people abuse animals and your heart breaks because you realize those animals are helpless. Take that feeling and multiply it by a thousand more. I know that is  a weird comparison but that’s kind of how I feel. These babies need me to take care of my body so they are healthy and survive. Then I start thinking about what it’s going to be like when they are born. Wow, what a reality check. And to think that anybody can have a child. Eesh!

I’m rambling now but I am just so amazed by being pregnant at this point. Every time they are moving around I feel blessed, full of love and just amazed at the little miracles kicking each other in me. 

20 weeks, half way there.

I can't believe that I'm already 20 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I'm halfway there. I am getting very big and I love my pregnant stomach. Sure, it's hard to bend over, I get out of breath climbing stairs, it takes me awhile to roll out of bed and my back kills..... but I love it.

I started feeling the twins moving about two weeks ago. What an amazing feeling. At first it felt like gas or bubbles. I then realized the bubbles were in the same spot and they were getting stronger. Sometimes it's just Thor moving around, sometimes it's just Twila and sometimes they are kicking each other. (No, we are not naming our children Thor and Twila, my husband has nicknamed them that, I don't know why, and it has stuck.) They are very active after breakfast. It may have something to do with all the sugar - Eggo's, oatmeal and a fruit smoothie. They are also active at night. It's fun to try to imagine what they are doing in there.

We were able to see them again this week for my 20 week ultrasound. It's amazing how much they are growing. My Dr said they look great and all their measurements are right on target.

Overall I'm feeling pretty good. My back hurts my mid day. I also have some numbness down my right thigh. I'm up 20 lbs. and right now it is all stomach. I'm starting to get nervous about the whole delivery thing but I am trying not to think that far.

Here are some new pictures.

"Thor"

"Twila"

It's a boy and a girl!

I will give more of an update later but I just wanted to post that my Dr confirmed last week (at 16 weeks) that we are having a boy and a girl. They are doing great! Such an amazing miracle.
I just think this song is so appropriate:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Updates!

The morning of January 14, I had some issues again. (I won't go into detail.) This pregnancy isn’t going to be easy. I called my Dr. and she brought me in right away and everything seemed OK. Given my issues she thought it would be good to see the Perinatologist earlier than waiting until 16 weeks. I was 13 weeks at the time. A Perinatologist is an obstetrical sub-specialist concerned with the care of the mom and baby at higher than normal risk for complication. Being pregnant with twins puts me in the high risk category. They want to monitor the twin’s progress and make sure they are growing properly. My Dr. scheduled us to see him that Wednesday, January 16. We will see the Perinatologist, Dr. Pearcan, every 4 weeks. Jaime came with me to this appointment because I knew that they were going to use high tech equipment and it would be really cool.

The ultrasound was amazing. Both the babies were both moving around like crazy. He measured their arms, legs, stomach and heads. We could see their hearts beating and four chambers! He was even surprised to see what he thought was a penis! He said if he was a betting man he would say it is a boy and a girl. But it’s still early and he hopes to confirm in three weeks. Baby A, who the Dr. thinks is the boy, was rolling around like crazy and Baby B, who he thinks is the girl, was just chilling out but put up her arm and we could see her fingers spread out. Just amazing, what a miracle.

He couldn’t see anything that was causing my spotting and bleeding. So for now I just have to trust that the babies are fine and just keep laying low. I see both Doctors again in 1 1/2 weeks; I'll be 16 weeks.

Overall I have been feeling great. I am in maternity clothes because my stomach has popped. I still have some food aversions which is mainly meat.

Here are two amazing pictures.

Here is the 11 week, 3 day picture

I forgot to post it earlier.
Today I had my 12 week appointment with my Dr. I love her. She gave me this huge binder that the hospital put together for all pregnant couples. It contains info on the hospital, nutrition, classes, labor, caring for newborn, breastfeeding and much more.

She checked for the heartbeats and she could hear two! My uterus is measuring at 16 weeks (larger of course cause I have twins). I gained about 3 1/2 lbs since my first appointment. She reminded me that I need to gain about 20 lbs by 20 weeks. Bring on the custard! I wish there was a Kopps Custard stand downtown. I asked her when I need to take out my belly button ring and she said she'll give it a month. She told me how to take it out - how to pull the ball out and pull back the ring, it was kind of funny. Then she told me she would just take it out for me at the next appointment. I will start ultrasounds in four weeks and have them about every month. They will check to make sure the twins are growing at the same rate.

I'm feeling a little more confident about the pregnancy but I'm still nervous. I'm trying to enjoy being pregnant. Oh, I actually have to go clothes shopping this weekend. My current clothes are getting tight.

Infertility thoughts

Yes, I'm pregnant, does that mean I'm not suffering through infertility anymore? No.

I have been paranoid these past 11 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy. I'm sure every woman has fears related to being pregnant and staying pregnant. But as I laid on the ultrasound table on Thursday with tears in my eyes I told the tech, "it took us 2 1/2 years to get this far, I can't be loosing these babies now and do it all over again." (That's another story I'll tell in a bit.)

I've spent the last year on The Nest and their Trouble Trying to Conceive Board. This chat board helped get me through my fears and questions regarding infertility. The women on that board are some of the strongest women I have ever "met" in my life. The Nest also has other boards for those of us who are pregnant - 1st, 2nd and 3rd trimesters boards, multiples boards and they have recently created a success after IF (Infertility) board. I have been visiting the 1st trimester board and of course the success after IF board. You may think there isn't much of a difference, but really, there is a big difference. It's not bad, but I don't feel like I belong on the 1st trimester board. There are some women on there who don't want to be pregnant, some who it took only 1 month to get pregnant and some who don't want to have any pregnancy symptoms. I WANT THE PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS! I want to puke, I want to cry, I want my boobs to hurt. And I know a lot of my fellow success after IF women feel the same way. Yes, call us crazy. But then again most of us spent our savings and injected ourselves with needles for months just to get pregnant.

Infertility will stay with me forever. And I'm OK with that. I will always visit the T-TTC board on The Nest and answer questions and give as much support to those wonderful women. I will continue to help fight insurance companies on their lack of coverage of infertility treatments and I hope to continue to create awareness of infertility. I will continue to live in fear throughout this pregnancy until I see my miracle babies. And every time I look at them I will be reminded of our journey.

Regarding my ultra sound episode on Thursday, no that was not scheduled. We had another scare. I won't get into details but I had to rush to the hospital on Thursday afternoon to get an ultrasound. The babies are fine, measuring 12 weeks and hearts beating away. Baby A even decided to wave at me. It looks like I still have some cysts and I just have to take it easy. I'll post another picture of the babies. I can't believe how big they have grown in just a week.

We saw our babies yesterday

I thought it was stressful trying to get pregnant. I am just as stressed being pregnant! Some of this is probably too much info but it's part of pregnancy. I started spotting on Christmas Day (Second time since we found out I am pregnant. First time was from first ultrasound and everything was OK). I pretty much was in a panic all day. Then it stopped at night. But I got up at 3 am to go to bathroom and it started again but worse. I sat up all night freaking out. I called my Dr. right at 9 am and they had me come in. She said my cervix was still closed but she can't tell where it was coming from. So she sent me in for an ultrasound. I was so relieved to know I was going to see what was really going on.

We have 4 arms, 4 legs, two heartbeats going at 171 and they are both measuring exactly 10 weeks 4 days. (I'm 10 weeks 3 days). Twin A was doing flips. The Dr doing the ultrasound said I have about 4 - 5 cysts and it looks like one ruptured and that is what is probably bleeding. He could see fluid right by one of them. He said they won't harm babies but I may experience some pain and more spotting/bleeding. I feel so much better. So freaking cool to see them big and moving around. Call me paranoid mother already.