Married With Twins and on a Budget.

I have moved! New Blog!

2009-10-30T15:22:00.003-05:00

http://hansonfrontierfartlek.wordpress.com

All the content of this blog is at my new one.

Product rave for the kids - Sippy Cup

2009-09-30T08:16:00.004-05:00

I have been in the process of weening the kids off of bottles. They have no problem drinking juice out of sippy cups but for some reason they like their milk in a bottle. I figured I needed to just find the right sippy cup to make that transition easier.

Yesterday during my weekly trip to Target I decided to take a look at all the different cups. I finally decided on the Nuby No-Spill Easy Grip Cup. The main reason I choose this cup was because it had a soft silicone spout similar to the nipple on a bottle. It is also BPA free, has a built in vent with no extra parts, and has the no-spill design.

The twins used the cups for the first time this morning with their milk and so far so good! I would love to pack up the bottles by the end of this week!

Great website for great deals

2009-09-22T08:36:00.004-05:00

bradsdeals.com

Plus you get a daily email with new coupons and new deals. Shoes, clothes, electronics, computers and much more!

Sign up now!!

What are the twins up to?

2009-09-17T21:04:00.005-05:00

Product Rave - Nail polish

2009-09-16T08:04:00.003-05:00

If you are like me, you like your nails to look nice and polished - fingers and toes. But because I am always on the go and I have kids that don't like to nap (long story) I don't have time to wait for the nail polish to dry.

I just found a product that actually works: Sally Hansen Insta-Dri Fast Dry Nail Polish.

I bought a bottle last week and used it a couple times and yep, it dries within 60 seconds. I was able to apply 30 minutes before we left for a wedding this past weekend and was able to get dressed and no smudges!

I started with the Mochachino and went back and got a bottle of Wined-Up.

It's about $4-5/bottle at Target.

Go get it now!

That's all.

I'm hosting Thanksgiving, just call me Martha, or Clark

2009-09-09T08:32:00.006-05:00

Ha!

I've always wanted to host a big holiday, you know, like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny (bleep) Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of (bleep) this side of the nuthouse."

Hopefully it won't end like that.

This year we decided to invite everyone over for Thanksgiving. Not everyone will make it but we will have a full house! The Packer/Lion game will start at 11:30 and our traditional family football game will be played at half-time.

I am looking at different recipes for side dishes and appetizers. I want to keep some things "traditional" and yet incorporate some of my own traditions.

We grew up with such wonderful traditions in our individual families and now we are so excited to start our own traditions with our family new little family and share them with others.

What are some of your favorite family holiday traditions?

Busy Summer!

2009-08-20T12:52:00.006-05:00

I can't believe the summer is coming to an end! Kids are getting ready to go back to school, summer clothes are on clearance, school supplies are out and I wouldn't be surprised if I saw some Christmas decorations soon. I have a lot to catch up on:

Kids celebrated their first birthday!

We took the kids camping

I have been picking great vegetables out of the garden

I got a part time job

My husband and I are celebrating our 5 year wedding Anniversary this week

He took me to Phantom of the Opera

Anna and Luke are walking

I need to keep up on my blog! I have a feeling it will be easier come winter.

Creative Day

2009-07-15T21:00:00.020-05:00

If you know me, you will know that I am not creative. I do not scrapbook, stamp, quilt, sew, knit, paint and I think the only colors are the primary colors.

But sometimes I try to be creative when it comes to decorating. If it were up to me, I would just buy page 34 of the Pottery Barn catalog. Unfortunately money really doesn't grow on trees.

What I do is look at different catalogs - Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel etc. - and get ideas. I then take my ideas to Michael's and try to find better bargains. This means I have to be creative and do it myself.

A couple weeks ago I did this with various flower arrangements. Michael's had a big sale on their flowers. I had some miscellaneous vases around the house. I combined the two and you will see the results below!

Happy Birthday to my babies

2009-06-25T18:53:00.007-05:00

A year ago I was getting ready to be wheeled into surgery. Now I am sitting in our beautiful home watching the twins play with their farm and puzzles. What a year. I did it! I took care of two babies without any disasters. Well, I did have a lot of help. A special shout out to my mom. There is no way I could have done it without her. (I = me and Jaime)

Happy Birthday Anna and Luke. We love you!!

Happy Fathers Day

2009-06-22T20:26:00.005-05:00

I know I'm late. But Happy Father's Day to the two best dads in the world. My husband and my dad. Love you both.

Grilled Pizza!

2009-06-06T20:15:00.007-05:00

I have always wanted to try grilling pizza but was afraid of the outcome. Plus I never had a nice grill.

I finally got a nice grill and the guts to try grilling pizza and it was a success!

First I started by grilling a piece of chicken. While the chicken was on the grill, I prepared the toppings:

Fresh basil from my basil plant
Fresh spinach from Trader Joe's
Chopped onion
Mozzarella cheese
Black olives
Cherry tomatoes from Trader Joe's
Tomato sauce (my recipe)
Garlic
Salt and pepper
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar

I cheated by using pizza dough already made from Trader Joe's (yes, I love this place). I rolled it out and made two mini pizzas. I gathered everything and took it outside (including a bottle of wine and some jazz music). Once the chicken was done, I took it off the grill and let it cool on a cutting board. I sprayed the grill down with olive oil cooking spray. Then I took a little cornmeal and sprinkled it on both sides of the pizza dough. I carefully placed the dough on the grill making sure the dough was not sliding down the grate.

Then I enjoyed some wine. ($3.99 bottle of red zin that was good from Trader Joe's.)

Once the dough started to bubble, I carefully flipped it to the other side. You'll want to take your time or you could loose your pizza. Once the dough was done, I took it off the grill. My husband and I prepared our own pizzas. He used sauce, cheese, olives, spinach, basil and chicken. I used olive oil, balsamic vinegar, spinach, basil, tomatoes, cheese and chicken. We threw them on the grill for about 5 more minutes, until the cheese melted. It was so good!

It's been too long!

2009-05-28T08:01:00.003-05:00

I have missed blogging. The last two months have been crazy, but a great crazy. We moved into our first house and we are in love. My free time has been spent planting a garden. I hope to freeze and jar many of the veggies. I just hope that it warms up around here soon.

My garden consists of:

Potatoes

Onions

Green Beans

Carrots

Corn

Spinach

Arugula

Cucumbers

Tomatoes

Peppers

Eggplant

Pumpkin

I also have Oregano, Basil, Parsley and Chives

I am so excited to see life in the garden! I'll post picture as everything grows.

I also promise to blog more again.

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!

2009-03-31T08:24:00.004-05:00

I've been MIA. I'm sorry. It's been a crazy month, a good crazy. We bought a house and move at the end of April. This means I will be able to extend my blog to "Married with twins and a new house......on a budget!!!" I can't wait to decorate and share some great money saving ideas. The first? Plant a veggie garden. I am in the process of planning out a garden with a friend.

Twins are great......9 months as of last week.

Zoe turned 1! The miracle girl. Zoe truly means life.

My husband had a birthday last week too. The picture below is one from a photo shoot I did for his birthday.

Twin update

2009-02-26T20:24:00.006-06:00

Hi! The twins are now 8 months. 8 MONTHS! Where has time gone? Wow. They are little people now. Full of personalities and they are the cutest babies around. Yes they are!

They are eating puffs and are in the Gerber Stage 3 food products. They are also learning how to use their sippy cups.

Every morning they talk to each other in their cribs. Anna will sit up in her crib and shake it until someone comes in the room. She then starts laughing and Luke laughs with her. It really is a great way to wake up.

It's interesting to see them interact with each other. They have already figured out the "I want they toy he/she has" syndrome. They "talk" to each other and laugh at each other. Two laughing babies is one of the best sounds. When one is sitting on my lap the other has to be on my lap too.

Lets see, what else are they up to?

Luke:

Has 6 teeth. 4 on the bottom and 2 on top. He has ordered a steak for his first birthday.
Crawls army style EVERYWHERE. He is not interested in his toys but is interested in wires, tables, the blinds and the cat food.
He is trying to climb the stairs.
Gives open mouth kisses.

Anna:

Crawls all over on all fours.
Is trying to stand and can get up on her feet with her hands on the ground.
Has 2 teeth - the bottom two.
Gives Eskimo kisses.

Please don't judge those of us who use IVF or other fertility treatments

2009-02-19T15:17:00.004-06:00

I do not agree with the decisions that Nadya Suleman has made in regards having children. I am very pro IVF or the use of other fertility treatments but NOT what and how Nadya and the Dr did. First of all I can't believe that she decided to have more kids after already having 6, with no income and no husband or support. Second of all, what Dr thought it was OK to transfer that many embryos?

Please understand that the majority of fertility doctors have rules and do not transfer more than two embryos unless in extreme circumstances they may transfer three.

This makes me so sad. I feel like those of us who have used fertility treatments have fought for awareness of infertility and respect for our decisions. We have been called "crazy women" during our journeys to have children. And now I feel like this crazy woman and awful doctor have blown away any respect for fertility treatments.

Please understand that this is an extreme case and I don't agree with what she did at all.

Lets talk generic

2009-01-26T08:43:00.010-06:00

Sorry I have been MIA lately. Luke has decided to crawl and I can't keep up with him. But it's wonderful.

Generic......
What does generic mean? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary generic means:

relating to or characteristic of a whole group or class : general b: being or having a non-proprietary name <generic drugs> c: having no particularly distinctive quality or application <generic restaurants>

OK.......to me it means savings!

Generic brands have saved our budget. I try to buy generic as much as I can from food, prescription drugs, cleaning supplies and baby products.

There are some name brand products that I am brand loyal to - Pampers diapers and Kraft American Cheese Singles 2% or example. You don't have to buy everything generic especially if you see a difference.

My favorite generic brands:

Roundy's
Every time I go grocery shopping I find another food product made by Roundy's. They even make organic products. If I have coupons for brand products I have noticed that the Roundy's product still seems less expensive. There are some products that I buy brand over Roundy's. One example is Kraft American Cheese. If I would suck it up and buy Roundy's American Cheese over Kraft I would save over $2 a package. Other Roundy items that I buy:

Olive Oil
Canned olives
Butter
Cereal
Tuna
Lunch Meat
Tortilla Shells
Shredded Cheese
Milk
Eggs
English Muffins
Sour Cream
Cottage Cheese

My understanding is that Roundy's is sold specifically at Pick 'N Save stores. But I know other grocery stores have their own generic brand. For example Piggly Wiggly's generic brand is Food Club.

Target
I save $120 a month on baby formula. I buy the Target brand versus Enfamil. I asked my Doctor about the difference and the important ingredients that make the product are the same. $120 a month is a lot of money. Another major price difference - gas drops for infants. Some of the brand names are as high as $8, the Target brand is about $3.50. Other Target items that I buy and save a significant amount of money:

Mouthwash
Vitamins
Ibuprofen
Allergy medicine (Same ingredients as Claritin)
Allergy eye drops
Cleaning supplies
Kleenex
Paper Towels
Coffee Filters
Garbage bags, sandwich bags, tin foil and plastic wrap
Food

Take advantage of your store's discount cards
This seemed obvious to me but I was surprised to find out how many people do not sign up and get their grocery store's discount cards. It's free and it's easy! I save an average of $15 per grocery shopping trip when I use my card. This is not counting the money I save buying generic.

Happy Shopping!

Non-budget related.

2009-01-13T09:29:00.006-06:00

This is a non-budget post, although the clothes the kids are wearing are from second hand stores! Each outfit was a total of $6.

Both kids are sitting up as you can see in this Video and they both have two bottom teeth.

That is all, Anna and Luke just wanted to say hi!

Second hand stores

2009-01-08T08:14:00.005-06:00

When you find out you are pregnant, the first thing many women want to do is go out and start buying all the cute clothes. And trust me, there are sooooo many adorable clothes out there. Not like the nasty orange and brown clothes we grew up with.

DON'T BUY ALL THE CUTE CLOTHES! Not yet!

Especially if you are going to have a shower. I resisted the urge, even though it's hard. Your babies are going to grow fast the first couple months. You are going to get all these wonderful and cute clothes from your showers, your family members and friends. Most likely your baby won't even wear some of the clothes they receive. I bought two oneies before the twins were born. That's it. Believe me, it was so hard to walk by all the cute clothes at Babies R Us. But we were blessed with three showers and our family and friends were very generous. Some of the clothes we received were only worn once.

What is my point?

Your kids grow fast. Do you really need to spend $20-$30 on an outfit they may wear once? Sure, it's fun to buy the cute clothes but let me offer you an alternative. Second hand stores

I don't understand why some people are afraid or refuse to buy clothes from second hand stores. Is it because another child might have worn the clothes a couple times? I say might because I have bought many clothes from second hand stores with the original tags on them. Brand new Baby Gap and Ralph Lauren baby clothes for a 1/4 of the price.

Here are some examples of my deals that I got at one store in particular, New to you kids.

Brand new Polo Ralph Lauren khaki jacket for Luke with the store tags. Originally $25, I bought for $4.75
Brand new Baby Gap wool sweater for Luke with the store tags. Originally $19.99, I bought for $3.75
Brand new Tommy Hilfiger jeans for Luke. Originally $18.99, I bought for $4.75.
Snugli soft carrier - one slightly used, one never used. Both cost about $35-40, I bought for $12 each.
Baby Gap suede winter jacket for Anna originally priced around $40, my mom got it for $10.
Long sleeve onesies - usually run anywhere from $1.25 - $3
Short sleeve oneies - usually run anywhere from $1 - $3.

You get the picture. Plus they buy back your clothes. And they don't take junk. They are particular about what they buy back so you know you are going to get nice clothes.

My point? The kids grow out of their clothes so fast it just makes sense to buy slightly used or never used at all clothes. We have saved so much money. A lot of these stores offer more that just clothes. You can get books, DVDs, toys, bedding, cribs, pack-n-plays, high chairs, and soft pack carriers, plus much more.

Just have an open mind when it comes to second hand stores. Trust me, it's worth it!

Start a budget

2009-01-05T08:26:00.009-06:00

This may seem obvious but you would be surprised at how many people do not have a budget. Make sure your budget is on an excel spreadsheet, word document, piece of paper or other computer program, not just in your head.

**Before I go any further I must confess that I never had a budget until I met my husband. He is anal with the budget. We update it every night. Everything must be recorded, even the 75 cents we spend at a vending machine. There is even a dead weight category for parking tickets and ATM fees. If it wasn't for the budget, I would not be able to stay at home with the twins.

Our budget:
If you already have a budget, you can stop reading, scroll down and look at the cutest kids in the world. If you don't have a budget and would like to start, I will describe how our budget works.
Our budget is on excel and my husband has all the bells and whistles on it: Formulas, charts, graphs, colors etc. The first thing you need to do is determine how much money you bring in each month. Our monthly income is my husband's paycheck after taxes, health insurance and 401k. Then create categories where you spend money. Our categories include:

Auto (gas, insurance, payments, car washes)
Home (Mortgage, rent, electric, gas, home improvements)
Connectivity (Cell phones, Internet, phone)
Debt maintenance (School loans, credit cards if any)
Groceries
Liquor
Entertainment
Eating Out
Medical
Charity (Includes church for us)
Misc. (Big category for us. Includes our trips to Target where I buy diapers, formula, cleaning supplies etc. This category could be broken down into smaller ones)
Clothes
Investments (IRAs, savings)

After your categories are established, you need to put a dollar amount to each category on what you can spend. The easiest way is to determine the bills you have to pay - mortgage, car, gas, electrical and so on. Then figure out how much you can pay towards your debt and investments. Whatever money you have leftover each month can then be divided into the other categories. Obviously give yourself more money in areas that are more important. For example, we establish our entertainment and eating out budgets last.

Your next step is projections. My husband has the spreadsheet project out a month. We then fill in the mandatory amounts and when they are paid. He has a running total based off of income and as we fill in projected payments it shows us what our balance will be. This is helpful when we schedule hair appointments or want to make a big purchase, we know when we can afford to do it.

Whew. Make sense?

Let me know if you have any questions. I'm going to try to get a copy of the spreadsheet up on the site so you can see what it looks like.

What is the focus of the blog?

2009-01-02T12:27:00.007-06:00

When I started this blog, I was newly married, working full time and living downtown in a big city. Well, I guess you can call it big. We were very fortunate to have full time careers, many friends, the ability to come and go, take vacations, participate in sports and other activities and take part in the many events being held in Milwaukee. But my life changed through the years and so has my blog. I wanted a family and it didn't come easy. I was very open about our infertility struggles and while it was hard to be open about our troubles, I can't believe the support we received from so many people out "there." It really made our journey a lot easier. And now we have been blessed with the most beautiful children. As of late, my blog has mainly been bragging about how cute the twins are. But I want the blog to be more.

Before our children were born, my husband and I were pretty much debt free (besides mortgage and car payments), we had two good jobs, we were stocking money away in savings and 401ks and we were able to have a nice dinner out, take a vacation, buy some nice clothes etc. But now we have two children and are living on one income. I have had to be creative with our food budget, kids budget and overall household budget. I've come across other people's good ideas, websites, coupons and just my general ideas to make this successful.

My thoughts are to share these budget saving ideas. Not just for the kids but for an overall household. I also plan to share some of my ideas on raising two children (twins). Things that I have experienced, made mistakes on and have had success on. I would also like you to share any ideas that you have with me and the rest of the readers.

I still plan to talk about the twins (of course!), my family, discuss news etc.

I hope this is a success. Thank you loyal readers!

The Twins first Christmas

2008-12-29T15:45:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas

2008-12-22T16:09:00.003-06:00

And don't forget, Jesus is the reason for the season. Keep Christ in Christmas.......

We have teeth!!

2008-12-12T08:59:00.002-06:00

Luke has sprouted two beautiful teeth. I found them yesterday after their afternoon bottle. I started laughing and then crying. Can you imagine what I'm going to do when they start walking?

And just because they are so dang cute.

What are the twins up to?

2008-12-08T20:23:00.003-06:00

I can't believe how fast they grow. They have developed the cutest personalities. They are the same yet so different. Make sense? Here is what they are up to:

They both roll over to their stomachs.
They get very frustrated that they can't crawl.
Luke has had it and has decided to just roll from one room to the other.
Anna just prefers to be picked up by daddy.
They have started to notice each other a lot more. Poking each other in the eyes, kicking each other, taking each others toys away and just studying each other.
Anna loves to scream. Scream when she is mad, sad, happy and just laughing. Really, it's quite cute.
Luke has the cutest laugh. If you start laughing, he'll laugh with you.
They both love their bath time.
Anna loves pink, or her mommy loves pink on her. I never thought I would go pink crazy. Wait until you see her Christmas dress.
Luke loves to snuggle.
Anna is a people person. She will be her mother. She wants to be the center of attention.
Luke is more laid back and not to sure about strangers. If he can see his mommy he is OK.
They both love football. Seriously, we have them on video watching football. Luke is more attentive to the game but Anna is interested too.
They are very good in church but especially like our live praise band.
They both just love music in general. They fall asleep to classical, I sing to them and they smile, when there is music on the TV they are calm and they like when we play the radio in the car.
Anna and Luke are our miracles and I can't believe they are my children. I love them so much it hurts.

We are blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T17:51:00.006-06:00

We have so many things to be thankful for:

The birth of our beautiful and healthy babies.....Anna and Luke
Jesus for dying on the cross to forgive our sins
Their smiles
Luke's snuggles
Anna's screams
Our amazing families
Especially my mom who has been so helpful, amazing and over generous to our new family
My dad's company for sending him back to WI
Our supportive friends
My niece Zoe who has taught me what it means to fight
My Dr in Milwaukee that took care of me for 9 months
Our other Dr in Gurnee, IL that helped "create" Anna and Luke
All the amazing Drs and nurses at Columbia/St. Mary's
An overall healthy pregnancy
Eggos (I ate them everyday during pregnancy)
Mc Donald's double cheeseburger, fries and vanilla shakes (my Saturday splurge during my pregnancy)
The years at our Condo in Milwaukee
Our new place in Mequon
Brookfield Lutheran Church, the members and the incredible staff
Jackie, my cat, who has been with me for 11 years and adores the twins
The beach. It's just so peaceful
Wine and dark chocolate
My jeep
Jaime's job
Our education
Music
Facebook which has connected me with old friends
Running
The United States of America
The Packers, even though I'm mad at Ted Thompson right now
Brett Favre, even though he is a Jet. He is still so fun to watch
The summer Olympics which got us through the late night feeds
My husband who I love dearly. He is my rock and has been the most supportive person during our struggles to get pregnant, during my pregnancy and is just an amazing dad.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Take time to be thankful

Zoe update

2008-11-26T17:49:00.003-06:00

Overall the surgery was successful. The shunt is in and it seems to be working. We've had a couple scares but she seems to be stable as of now. They will take her vent out tomorrow as long as her temperature goes down. Keep praying!

Please pray for Zoe

2008-11-25T12:58:00.005-06:00

In March my niece Zoe was born. A couple days later we found out she has Trisomy 18. Many of you read the story here. She has been alive for a miracle 8 months. Today she is having surgery to repair the hole in her heart. She is set to go into surgery at 2:00 pm. Please keep her in your prayers.

I'll post an update later.

Update: You can follow my brother in law's blog if you want for thoughts, comments and updates.
http://www.batiansila.blogspot.com

My sister and Zoe:

Beautiful pictures of Anna and Luke

2008-10-31T09:28:00.012-05:00

These pictures were taken by CaseyBower Photography back in August. She also took my maternity pictures. These are a few of my favorites. Anna and Luke were about 2 months old during this session. You can view more of the pictures at our Smugmug account.

One year ago

2008-10-19T21:39:00.005-05:00

October 20, 2007 is when we started the injections that helped create this:

Changing my format/layout

2008-10-15T08:42:00.003-05:00

I know, I changed it again. I'm trying to find a layout I like. Right now I like the palm trees. It's getting cold and snow is on the way so I need to think about palm trees to keep my sanity.

Find Your Wings

2008-10-08T08:54:00.005-05:00

Hello from our new digs. Everything went as smooth as a move could. A big thanks to my parents for all their help and keeping me sane.

It's nice and quiet out here and I think I'm going to like the community. We have a nice patio and I can watch the sunrise every morning.

I went for a run to check out the neighborhood. It felt a little "Leave it to Beaver-ish" with all the kids walking home from school, football practice going on, neighbors talking to each other etc. It was a nice safe feeling.

Anyway.....I'll update more soon. Twins are doing good. They have adjusted well. Above is the most recent picture of them from this weekend. They are talking (Ooooo, goooo, boooo-ing) a lot and love to smile. They are getting on a great sleep schedule through the night which I especially love! They are developing their personalities and becoming little people. It's so much fun.

This is the song my brother sang at the twins baptism.....They were baptized on August 24, 2008 at Brookfield Lutheran Church.

Find Your Wings by Mark Harris:

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

Leaving downtown

2008-09-27T19:16:00.004-05:00

It happened. We sold our condo. We weren't trying to sell our condo. It's a long story. But as my mom would say, it's a God thing. As of next week we will be members of the North Shore. I'm excited of our next move as a family. But at the same time I will miss downtown Milwaukee. I have been down here for 6 years and I really have enjoyed my stay. I decided to make a list of what I will miss the most:

Walking to Jazz in the Park
Metro Market
Walking to work
The Farmers Market
Izumis
Flannerys
Real Chili
Walking to Riversplash
Hearing/seeing the fireworks every weekend during the summer
Walking and camping in Veterans Park for the 3rd of July fireworks
Running along the lake
Being a block away from the Post Office
Walking to the Symphony
Alterra on the lake
Ice skating in Red Arrow Park
Walking to the Marina and admiring the boats
Walking to the Art Museum
Never having to worry about drinking and driving
People watching
Going to Bradford Beach every weekend for Volleyball

What I won't miss:

Drunk people walking by the condo at 2 am
Immature people destroying property at our condo complex
Paying for the failed MPS
Taxes
Watching the crime sneak closer to our location
People coming downtown and driving like they have never come downtown before
Watching people drive the wrong way on one way streets. OK, well sometimes that is funny especially when they have no clue they are going the wrong way.

Anyway, next week we become people from the burbs.

::sigh::

I really am excited for our next move but at the same time I will miss being a city girl. I assure you though, we will not be strangers of downtown. I plan to expose our kids to the city life like my parents did the same with me.

Look what the twins got yesterday......

2008-09-12T10:08:00.006-05:00

Jaime's company gave us some gift certificates for "Ribbon - the gift of choice" and this is one of the items we picked out. It came in the mail yesterday, they love it!

Mom and I went shopping yesterday too. We went to "New to you kids too" and got some cute jeans and jackets for Anna and Luke. The jacket I got for Luke was a Ralph Lauren jacket with the tags still on it and I got it for $4.75. I also got a "Snugli" soft pack carrier for half the price! Gotta love that store. We also went to Babies R Us and got some more bottles and a monitor. That store is dangerous. Such cute clothes.

The twins are 11 weeks and are becoming so much more alert. They are smiling and "gooing" all the time. They are also sleeping more through the night and I actually slept in my bed last night, the entire night with only a 4 am feeding.

I went for a run

2008-09-08T08:44:00.006-05:00

I have gone running a couple times since the twins have been born. But yesterday's run made me realize how much I love running and I don't think I'll ever be able to give it up. I stopped running last year just before we started IVF. That was almost a year ago. It's hard to get motivated after not running for that long. But my sweet husband got me a new Nike running watch, a pair of Nike sunglasses and I bought a new pair of Nike running shoes (no, Nike isn't endorsing me, I wish!).

I didn't want to go running yesterday. I only got 4 hours of sleep the night before but I knew that I needed some exercise.

I loaded up my ipod and and headed out the door.

"Don't wanna wait 'til tomorrow
Why put it off another day?
One by one, little problems
Build up, and stand in our way. .....

(Right now) Hey! It's your tomorrow
(Right now) Come on, it's everything
(Right now) Catch your magic moment
Do it right here and now
It means everything"

They played that song at the beginning of the 2002 Chicago Marathon. I remember having chills up and down my body. What a great feeling.

I was a little tight at the beginning. I decided to start slow and concentrate on my form. Usually when I take a lot of time off from running and start again I have to push it hard because I have a race I'm getting ready for. Well, no race in the future so I figure it would be a good time to start slow and really think of my form and start some strength training.

I get to Prospect Ave and I have beautiful view of the lake. Lots of other runners around giving the typical nod or wave to each other

"Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, one moment

Would you capture it, or just let it slip? "

Eminem may be weird but that song really pumps me up. I started to pick it up and it felt really good. But I made myself slow down again.

I started thinking to myself ......what race did I want to conquer first? Just a 5k? A half marathon? I wonder if I could be ready for the Badgerland Striders Southshore Half Marathon in April. I really want to do another marathon. Is Chicago 2009 a crazy goal?

"You have to learn to pace yourself
Pressure
You're just like everybody else
Pressure
You've only had to run so far
So good
But you will come to a place
Where the only thing you feel
Are loaded guns in your face
And you'll have to deal with
Pressure ....."

What a beautiful day for a run. I can't believe summer is over and I missed a great season of running. Ugh, the hill going up to Brady Street is hard. Well, usually it's not that hard but it is when you lost all your leg muscles.

I finished the run hard. I wasn't too tired. I don't think I lost my endurance. I probably could have run for a lot longer. But I need to work on strength training. I need my muscles back so I don't get injured.

My goal is to run 3-4 days a week right now. I would love to run more but I have to remember that I have two little ones to take care of. So that marathon may not be next year but soon. We'll see.

These kids are so cute

2008-08-15T20:02:00.003-05:00

Could they BE any cuter.

Check out more pictures at our Smugmug account

One month

2008-08-05T10:31:00.003-05:00

Anna and Luke - 1 month old (Born June 25, 1 month on July 25)

I had to include the picture of them screaming......

And now peaceful......

It's hard

2008-07-31T17:43:00.003-05:00

I am so in love with my children. Anna and Luke are the most adorable babies I have ever seen. But I am not going to lie to you, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. Just when I think I have them figured out and on a schedule, they surprise me. Overall they are very good babies but when they are both screaming at 3 am and nothing will stop them from screaming I want to cry, and I do cry.

Maybe I'm trying too hard to keep them on a schedule and making sure they are sleeping in their cribs and eating over 4 oz. Maybe I'm expecting too much out of them. But I'm trying to do it right.

People ask me if I'm getting sleep. I am, but the schedule is hard to get use to. Jaime gets home at 5 pm and takes over. I go to bed at 6 pm and sleep until midnight. Then he goes to bed and I take over, from midnight until 6 pm that night. It works, but it's lonely during the night shift. My very loyal cat hangs out with me but when Anna screams, she runs and hides. I would too if I could.

I have been getting a lot of help from my mom and mother in law - Thank you! But I haven't been good at just getting out and leaving the babies. I feel like I need to stay with them. When they are sleeping or being held by someone else I am cleaning, taking a shower or I just sit and try to catch my breath.

Yesterday I finally just left. My mother in law and cousin were over and the babies were kinda sleeping. I got on my running shoes and grabbed my ipod and went for a run. That's right, I went for a run. I haven't run since we started IVF which was almost a year ago. It was a slow run but it was wonderful. I actually went for about 30 minutes. It was hard to get use to the jiggling going on in my stomach. Hopefully my Dr. isn't reading this because I haven't been released to run yet. It's only been 5 weeks. I will make sure I get out again soon.

My emotions and hormones have been getting the best of me. Some days I'm fine, other days I'm a mess. I know that is normal and I am trying my best to keep them in check. One thing I'm trying to work on is socializing. I really don't have any desire to leave or see other people. I only want to be around my mom. This is very weird for me. I love to socialize and be around other people. Right now I just want my mommy. I don't know why I feel like this. I love my family and friends but I just feel comfortable being at home taking care of Anna and Luke. My mom has been getting me out for walks which has been helping. We also had lunch at Alterra and the Milwaukee Ale House. That was nice. It's all about baby steps.

Overall things are going good. Anna and Luke are now 5 weeks old and are very healthy. And it looks like they are ready to eat again. I'll post some more pictures soon.

I may not have time for words

2008-07-21T10:18:00.003-05:00

This is why:

The day my miracles arrived

2008-07-11T03:05:00.016-05:00

This took me a couple days to write...... the twins have taken over our lives!

On Wednesday, June 25th I knew something wasn't right. I felt worse than usual and couldn't stop crying. This was the first day that I truly wanted to go into labor. I was 36 weeks, 2 days and as much as I wanted to make it to our scheduled C-section on July 5th, I was ready for the twins to arrive. Deep down I had a feeling they were OK and ready to make their appearance.

I had my weekly Dr appointment that day and I cried as I tried getting ready. I actually prayed that my water would break or that my Dr would just decide to do the c-section that coming weekend.

Once I got to the Dr I was crying again. The nurse took my blood pressure and she looked concerned - 140/80. The highest it had been was 110/70. She took my protein test and all was clear. I waited for my Dr and started crying again - I had no control at this point. She came in and asked what was wrong. I told her I was beyond uncomfortable and just in a lot of pain. My legs were so swollen I could not bend them and I was short of breath. She told me she was sending me to the hospital to be monitored. She was worried about my blood pressure and preeclampsia. Part of me was scared and the other part of me was excited. She said that depending on what they find, they may just keep me there on bed rest so I could stay comfortable.

I walked across the street to the hospital and called Jaime and my mom. Told them to sit tight and that I'd call them back once I knew how long I was going to be there etc. Labor and Delivery was expecting me and put me in a room. They got monitors on the babies right away and they were doing just fine. My blood pressure shot up even more - 166/90. At that point it sounded like they were going to monitor me for a couple hours. Then the attending Dr came in and asked me when I last ate. It was 12:30. I only ate a piece of bread and some cheese. He said that once the anesthesiologist got in they were going to decide if they should deliver the twins at 4:30, 6:30 or 8. Um, deliver the twins? Yes, he said they were worried about my blood pressure and didn't want to risk it. The twins were ready to come. I'm pretty sure my exact words were "Holy sh*t."

I called Jaime, "Honey, the twins are coming tonight. Go home and grab the bags."

My Dr came by and said that the surgery was scheduled for 8:00 pm. The cheese pushed it back. They wanted my stomach empty for 8 hours. At this point it was 4:00. Even though the c-section wasn't planned for this day they didn't have to rush it cause the babies were doing fine. The Doctors and nurses were able to take their time getting me prepped for the surgery. Jaime got there within the hour just as they were doing an ultra sound to see exactly how the babies were positioned. My mom showed up about 30 minutes later. The staff was fantastic and took their time explaining everything to me. I think I told everyone that came in my room that "I was freaked out." They all laughed, I think they hear that all the time.

In the final hours I went through many emotions. I was excited and scared. I laughed and I cried. I prayed and I tried to focus on my breathing to calm me down.

At 8:00 the nurse took me to the delivery room. Jaime then started to put his scrubs on . They would come get him once my spinal was in. The operating room was very overwhelming and I decided not to look around. When I got in there it was just one nurse and the anesthesiologist. The nurse was awesome, she got me to stay focused and relaxed. The anesthesiologist was great, she walked me through each step and I just kept breathing and focused on what the nurse was saying. Honestly the spinal was simple, no pain at all. I think I made it out to be worse. Once my legs went limp, they laid me on the table and then the room was filled with Doctors, nurses, assistants etc. At this point everything went so fast. The anesthesiologist was telling me what was going on at all times. Once they poked me to see if I could feel anything, they got Jaime and started cutting me open. I didn't feel anything, not even the pressure they told me I might feel. But I did start shaking. I could not control it and the nurse told me it's very normal and just to let it happen. Once Jaime got in the room, he put his hands on my face and kissed my forehead, that kept me very calm, I told him not to move. "They're in" announced Jaime and the anesthesiologist, I was relieved, I still did not feel a thing, now I just waited for the cries of a baby. It seemed like eternity but I heard my Dr announce "here is baby A" and I heard a cry right away. I could see out of the corner of my eye Luke being handed off to the other Doctors and nurses. Within a minute I heard "here is baby B" and I heard the loudest scream ever, drama queen Anna was born. Jaime left me at this time and went to be with the babies. I heard him yell to me that they were doing great, they had lots of dark hair and they were breathing just fine. Such a relief. At this time I concentrated on staying calm as they put me back together. This process seemed to take a lot longer than I expected. I kept getting nauseous and the anesthesiologist responded with giving me different drugs in my IV. I later found out that my uterus was not contracting and they tried contracting it by hand and that did not work. During this extra time of me being "open" I ended up loosing a good amount of blood. I ended up with a blood transfusion the next day.

I don't remember much after this point. I remember them putting me on a bed and taking me to the recovery room. The twins were already in the room with Jaime and they were getting a bath. I looked out the door and saw my mom. She said I looked like I was in shock. I was still shaking and I wanted to stop so bad. I remember Jaime bringing the twins over to me so I could see them. I remember I didn't want to hold them at this point because I felt sick and I was still shaking so bad. I was afraid to drop them. I was so thirsty and a nurse gave me a glass of ice water, I slammed it and asked for more. I think I drank 3 glasses right away. I don't know how long I was in there. My mom said about 45 minutes. My Doctor came and talked to me, I don't remember much of the conversation. Next thing I knew they were rolling me up to my room. My mom, dad, sister and brother were all there. It was nice to see familiar faces. Jaime came in with the twins after me, they were in the nursery. I remember asking for a popsicle. I ended up eating two. I was starting to feel the pain from my incision. I asked for stronger drugs. Otherwise I don't remember much after that. The only thing that I am sad about is that I don't remember holding Luke and Anna for the first time. I don't know if I held them separately or together. I think I tried breastfeeding them right away in my room, but I don't even remember that.

The birth was amazing. If anyone ever tells me that I didn't experience the "real" thing because I had a C-section, (some women believe that) I will have a lot of words for them. It doesn't matter how you bring your children into this world, it's the most amazing experience I have ever gone through. It was very scary and there is a lot of pain involved but wow, no other words can explain the feeling of two babies coming out of you. The next day I had both of them laying on my chest and I just couldn't believe that I had these two in me for 9 months and now they were here, they are my children. They are beautiful.

The staff at Columbia/St. Marys - Doctors, nurses, assistants, cleaning staff, food staff - were great. We were so pleased with everyone that was a part of our stay at the hospital. We learned so much from all the nurses and everyone was so nice and truly caring.

And here is another pictures of my babies!

Introducing Luke and Anna

2008-07-01T09:02:00.004-05:00

After a weekly Dr appointment that had me in tears and high blood pressure, my Dr decided it was time to bring Luke and Anna into our world. They were born Wednesday, June 26th around 8:45 pm via c-section. They are perfect and beautiful. I am still recovering but am doing OK.

Proud dad minutes after they were born.
Dad showing mom the babies

Luke Christian - 6 lbs, 7 oz, 19 in

Anna Christine - 5 lbs, 11 oz, 19.5 inches

36 weeks

2008-06-24T19:10:00.004-05:00

We made it. When we found out we were having twins I just wanted to make it to 36 weeks. Many twins come earlier than 36 weeks and experience NICU time. I figured if we could make it to 36 weeks we would have little or no NICU time. Well, here we are and I'm ready for them to arrive! I'm pretty much stuck at home. My legs are huge, I'm sore, I am not sleeping and my ligaments that are holding up the babies are ready to pop. But if the babies want to stay, that's OK, they know what's best.

I have also lost my appetite. I am constantly thirsty, which means trips to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes. Want to know what I had for dinner tonight? A piece of white bread (yep, white, I haven't had white bread in years.......sorry mom, I was craving it), cheese, big glass of milk and a popsicle. I love popsicles. My husband and I started talking about how our moms use to make popsicles when we were growing up. He said that this something we will have to do for our kids. He then said, "Guess what honey, we are now going to be the tooth-fairy too." I love how he thinks. I told him we are going to be Santa too. He replied by saying, "No, Santa is Santa." He then asked if I thought the government funded Santa.

Isn't he a funny guy?

Randomness

2008-06-18T09:39:00.003-05:00

First of all, thank you so much for your wonderful comments under my scared post. Let's see, what else is new:

- Last Friday was my last day at work. I picked the perfect week to stop working. My legs are so swollen I can barely walk and I'm very uncomfortable. I'm on day three of sitting on the couch.

- At my weekly Dr. appointment yesterday I found out that I am dilated 1 cm and my cervix is thin. What does that mean? I could go into labor anytime between today and the next couple weeks. I'm excited that I'm on the way. My c-section is scheduled for July 5th. Not sure if I'll make it that far, but it's only 2 1/2 weeks away.

- My husband suggested that I start packing the hospital bag for me and the twins. That was fun - picking out little outfits for them to come home in.

- The nursery is pretty much ready to go. I still want to get some things up on the walls but we have all our big items and enough other things to get us started. We had three showers and we were spoiled! We have wonderful family and friends and are so blessed by everyone's generosity.

- My cat has found a new sleeping spot - one of the bathtubs. It's the bathtub that has a sling/hammock and she curls up on it. We didn't catch this right away because the tub is under one of the cribs. Maybe I should put water in it once and see if she'll still sleep in it. Poor cat is in for shock!

That's it for today, I'll keep you updated on our progress!

Scared

2008-06-02T20:00:00.003-05:00

And........ I have hit the panic phase. I have felt this a little bit here and there throughout the pregnancy but now I'm scared/panicked about everything.

1. Labor - I know, labor is part of the whole having a baby thing and woman are doing it all the time. That doesn't matter, I'm still scared. As of now we have a c-section scheduled and I know, things could change. Bur right now I'm scared of the spinal; I'm scared of the thought of being awake during surgery; I'm scared of being cut in open and getting stapled back together; I'm also freaked about the recovery.

2. Feeding the babies - I want to breastfeed, that is the goal, but I have no clue what I'm doing. You can only read so much without becoming so overwhelmed. So many directions, so many opinions, so many different ways to do it. And twins? Will I be able to keep up? Should I feed them at the same time? Maybe I should pump at night? Will they get enough food?

3. Getting my body back - I have gained over 50 lbs. I saw pictures of my legs this weekend. Are you serious? Those aren't my legs. I know some of it is contributed to being swollen but I have never seen my legs that big. I feel out of shape and I'm constantly out of breath. Again, I know, most of this is contributed to the babies. If I have the c-section, it will take me 6-8 weeks to recover. I would kill to go for a run right now. And I know that may not happen until mid-August.

4. My life - Yep, it's going to change. We knew this when we decided we wanted to have kids. But now I'm scared. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my raging hormones right now. For 35 years I've been responsible for myself and the past 10 years my cat. I've been able to do what I want and when I want. Now two little babies are going to depend on me/us. All my decisions will be based on raising those two and doing it right. I can't just go to Jazz every Thursday. I have to make sure we have enough money for baby food and diapers. Sports and hobbies will be put on the side and picked up when we have time. And so on. This is a new chapter and while I'm so excited to start it I'm also scared of the changes.

5. My relationship with my husband - I've heard great stories and I've heard nightmares. I am fully confident in our relationship. We are completely in love and have endured so much to get where we are today. I know we will be able to handle this together as a team. But I'm scared of how awesome things have been. I fear that he won't see me as being pretty and cute anymore. I'm afraid we won't have time for ourselves. I'm scared of loosing his attention. Wow, that sounded very selfish.

6. Taking care of the babies - So much to worry about. So much to think about. Feeding them is just half of the whole picture. There is so much to worry about:

BPA free bottles
SIDS
Sleep
The cat
Are they too hot? Too cold?
Why are they crying?
Are they sick?
When do I switch to milk?
What about food?
Are they strapped in the car properly?
Is the stroller safe enough?

I know this is a natural fear in most women. But I'm still scared.

As you can see, I've hit the panic button. I've also cried out of fear. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the hormones but I'm still scared. Have I said this enough? My freak out stage caused me to spend too much money this weekend. I started throwing different baby items in my cart. I cried when I realized I didn't even have diaper cream and breast pads. The husband was not happy with my shopping spree.

::sigh::

Big babies!

2008-05-21T20:33:00.003-05:00

We had another ultrasound on Tuesday and both babies have gained a good amount of weight. Boy baby is 4 lbs and girl baby has caught up and is just under 4 lbs. Doctor was very happy with the way everything looked on the ultrasound. Boy baby is still breach.

Today I saw my OB and she was also happy with they way everything looked and heartbeats sounded great. She is going to schedule a c-section for Saturday, July 5th. I'll be 37 weeks and 5 days. We're going to have 4th of July babies! I'm so excited, that is my favorite holiday. There is still the possibility that he can flip to head down and I could go into labor on my own at anytime. But it's nice to have that date set and to focus on getting to that week.

Another thing I learned today is that I'm now weighing......um.......170 lbs! I weighed 121 lbs before getting pregnant. I have gained 50 lbs. Wow, just wow!

This past weekend I decided to have maternity pictures taken. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this. There are some that I thought were kind of weird and some that were kind of too revealing so I debated for awhile. I haven't been taking pictures of my growing belly so I thought this could be fun. I don't think I'll ever be pregnant again! A friend of mine is an amazing photographer and she knew I was thinking about it and said she would take some pictures for me. I am so glad I decided to do this, she is so talented and I think did an amazing job. Here is just a sneak peak from her blog. Check out her other pictures too!

Bonjour Badger!

Introducing my brother, Josh Pope

2008-05-12T11:17:00.007-05:00

My brother is a very talented person. And I'm not just saying that because he is my little brother. He truly has been blessed by God with an amazing talent. Every time I hear him sing I am just amazed at his ability and it usually brings me to tears. Not only can he sing but he writes his own music.
He started singing and acting when he was 5. He now writes his own music and composes music for other companies. He was recently given the opportunity to record a CD down in Chicago. You can listen to his music below on Nimbit and if you like it, you can buy each song for 99 cents. His music will also be up on itunes soon. The first song is a cover of Sarah McLachlan's "Angel." The other four songs are originals. Enjoy.

Note: I took the player down for now because it would automatically start playing - I know people don't always like that on blogs. If you want a link just post a comment. Thanks!!

My shower

2008-05-10T09:28:00.007-05:00

I had the best shower last weekend. I can't believe how blessed I am with such a wonderful group of family and friends.

My friend who hosted my shower went above and beyond and I was so touched as she opened up her house to people she has never met before. My family was there along family friends that have been a part of my life forever, friends from college and my newer group of friends that I actually met on the Internet. Everyone that attended has been a very special part of my life and have provided nothing but support and prayers through the years.

I was completely overwhelmed and just before I started opening my presents I decided to thank everyone for being there and I completely broke down. I couldn't get any words out. I just sobbed. I was filled with so many different emotions.

Here are a couple pictures from the day. Otherwise you can check out all the pics here:

Smugmug

Camera shy

2008-04-30T20:43:00.004-05:00

28 week ultrasound pictures and this is what the twins decided to do. Believe me, they weren't sleeping. Not after the Eggos I fed them for breakfast. They were moving around like crazy all morning and during the ultrasound. But when it came to picture time this is what they both decided to do. Jaime was laughing so hard because this is what he does in the morning. He hates mornings and walks into the bathroom with his arms over his face mumbling, "I hate mornings, it's too bright." So either they are taking after their father or they are shy. Believe me, they are not shy if they are our kids.

"Thor" is measuring about 3lbs and "Twila" is about 2lbs, 12 oz. Dr said they are looking great and we'll see him again in 3 weeks. "Thor" is still breech and "Twila" in head down. Last week my OB said she doesn't see me going past 36 weeks which would put me delivering around June 23. That's two months people!

I'm starting to feel a lot more tired. My feet are very swollen and my legs are very sore. I told Jaime that my body feels like it did when I was training for the marathon. I'm not sleeping well and I just can't get comfortable sleeping, sitting or standing. But it's all good, I have two beautiful babies growing inside of me, that is all that matters. They can beat me up all they want.

My shower is Saturday and I can't wait to see all my family and friends. I feel so blessed.

Time to Celebrate Graduation

2008-04-28T20:22:00.016-05:00

Happy Graduation to everyone graduating in May/June. I remember the relief I always felt on graduation day. I also remember the excitement of accomplishing another segment of school and being nervous of what was next. I kind of want to go back to school again......... well, maybe.

I was going through some old pictures recently and had fun looking at my graduation pictures. I thought I would share and figured you would have a great laugh at my big hair.

1987 - Confirmation picture, also graduated from 8th grade that year.

High School Graduation 1991

College Graduation 1996

Grad School Graduation - 2004

Day with the Bats

2008-04-19T20:18:00.006-05:00

I was able to spend the afternoon with my sister and her family. The wonderful people that Greg works with set up a photography session with the family. Samantha Provenzano came to their house and spent a couple hours taking photographs of the family mainly focusing on Zoe. I asked her if I could steal a couple shots when she wasn't taking pictures and she said, of course! My couple shots equals 119 pictures. It was so much fun to see all the kids interacting with each other and then putting all their attention on Zoe. She didn't have many preemie clothes so I ran out to Babies R Us and got her the cutest pink dress by Wendy Bellisssimo and some other preemie outfits. The dress was a little big but it worked and she wore it for some of the pictures. Below are my favorite pictures........enjoy!

I'll have to add more later......blogger is not working

Update on us

2008-04-14T21:25:00.003-05:00

I am 26 weeks pregnant today. Wow, 26 weeks have gone by fast. If I go full term, I only have 14 weeks left. The twins are moving around like crazy as I type this. I love it. Sometimes, one of them kicks or punches me so hard it takes my breath away. I just smile, it's probably the most amazing feeling I have ever felt, although sometimes uncomfortable and painful. I feel so blessed to have these two little miracles growing inside of me.

We are making headway on the nursery. Both cribs and the dresser are assembled. We are just working on clearing out more space, putting things in storage and cleaning out the closest.

My doctor appointments have been going well. Our last ultrasound was 2 weeks ago when I was 24 weeks. Dr said they look great an they are actually measuring ahead of schedule. I'm up to 152 lbs. That is 30 lbs over my start weight. I have never weighed that much before. It's pretty much all belly. My blood pressure is staying low and I passed my gestational diabetes test.

I'm slowing down and that is starting to effect work. I work in special events. Last week I had an event and ended up working 4 hours overtime in one day. That didn't go over well. I was very sore and had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. Time to slow down and not work events like that anymore.

Sleeping has not been going well for me. You can't sleep on your back this far along, and I couldn't if I tried. I can't sleep on my side anymore. The pressure kills my stomach. I have tried every body pillow and regular pillow combination. I am at the point where I can only sleep sitting up. Last night we spent 15 minutes getting me situated in bed. That lasted 30 minutes. I moved to the papasan chair and we spent another 15 minutes putting pillows around me, supporting my back, legs and arms. I was able to sleep until 2 am (2 hours of sleep). I was crushing my tailbone too much. I then moved to the couch. I slept off and on the rest of the night. It sucks and I'm tired but whatever is best for these babies is all that matters. As long as they are comfortable. I say this is God's way for preparing me for the no sleep that is ahead of me.

We are getting so excited to welcome these little babies into the world. I am feeling excited, scared, overwhelmed but most of all, thankful. I just pray that I can be the best mom for these two.

We are close on names........no, they will not be Twila and Thor forever.

I Would Die For That

2008-04-12T17:24:00.002-05:00

Wow, I never heard this song until today. "I Would Die For That" was written by Kellie Coffey.

You can read about her struggles to get pregnant here.

Enjoy the video - warning, you may cry.

My daddy is finally home

2008-04-10T19:06:00.005-05:00

My dad's job took out of the state for the last two years. He was in TN for about 8 months and Maine the last 16. He was able to get home a lot and my mom was able to fly out and see him too, but it wasn't the same. He had to miss birthdays, jazz in the park, watching football with me on Sundays etc. But now he is coming home. Actually he got home today. I am so excited. I feel safe again. Does that make sense? I just feel good knowing he will be home with my mom. I'm happy that he'll be here in town to talk about and watch football with me. I'm so happy that he'll be able to see his grand kids anytime he wants and that he'll be home when our babies will be born. It's just good to have our dad back.

Welcome home to Wisconsin dad!

New Years Day 2006 before my Polar Bear Plunge. He was calling me crazy.

New blog name

2008-04-04T16:24:00.004-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that I will have to rename my blog. I am not creative......any suggestions?
I was thinking:
Married with Twins (see, not creative)
No kids to two kids - the transition

Ugh, I'm brain dead....help!

Family Video

2008-04-01T22:16:00.004-05:00

I stole this video from my brother in law Greg.

His daughter Teia (my step niece) made this video.

It includes Greg and my sister Jen's family and my family including the twins.

I also included the lyrics to the song. This one makes me cry.

Where have you come from?
Where are you going?
Tell me what's brought you here now.
And is your heart singing?
Then share what your bringing;
We all are a part of the show.

'cause we are all going home,
'cause we are a family,
And we are all going home.
Are you listening?
We are all going home,
So come join the family,
'cause we are all going home.

But is your heart quiet?
Is something not right?
Can you tell me whats blocking your way?
Well, just ask the Father;
He knows every problem.
He'll carry that burden away.

'cause we are all going home,
'cause we are a family,
And we are all going home.
Are you listening?
We are all going home,
So come join the family,
cause we are a family,
And we are all going home.

Yes, we are all going home.

2 "This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: 3 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Little Zoe

2008-03-29T08:29:00.004-05:00

This picture is from Wednesday when I first met Zoe, my sister is holding her. I was trying so hard to hold it together. But look at that sweet little angel.

Life can be really confusing

2008-03-26T20:59:00.008-05:00

When we found out that we were pregnant we also found out my sister was four months pregnant. But she was informed that her baby, a girl, had a hole in her heart. We knew that she was going to need heart surgery after she was born but we weren't sure when and the extent of the problems.

Zoe was born on Saturday. She stopped breathing a couple times but was stable in the NICU by Saturday afternoon. Dr's weren't sure why she stopped breathing and didn't think it was related to the heart condition. Zoe got better over the weekend and into Monday. Then on Tuesday we were given the biggest blow....... Zoe has Trisomy 18. If you don't know much about it you can click on that link. Basically it's an extra chromosome. Much like Trisomy 21 (which is also known as Down Syndrome) but it's fatal. Couple days, maybe a couple months.

Today I met my niece Zoe. They let her leave the NICU because at this point she is off most machines. This way we can all be with her whenever we want. She has her own room on the children's floor. There are beds in the rooms for parents to stay. My dad, brother and the three oldest kids (high school age) got to hospital and we went to the family lounge with my mom. Greg (brother in law) brought in the little boys - Ethan and Aidan (4 and 3) and we waited. My sister got Greg to show him Zoe in her new room. Then they kinda took us in groups to see Zoe. I went in with my mom and Aidan and Ethan came running out of the room yelling, "Auntie Tracey come see baby Zoe!" My sister was rocking Zoe. Aidan and Ethan were so excited to see their little sister. They were touching her and hugging her and kissing her. I lost it. I felt sick. I stayed in there for a bit, held her hand and I just couldn't keep it together so I left. I went back to the lounge and sobbed hysterically with my dad and brother.

Everyone left to take kids to work etc. So I packed up my bag and went back into the room and sat with my sister and Zoe. My sister just rocked her and kissed her and rocked her more. We talked a bit. I helped her get settled in her room. I stayed until 6:00. Jaime and I are going to go tomorrow afternoon and bring dinner for my sis.

The hospital said they can stay there as long as they need. They had to discuss with doctors if they want to treat infections, be put on life support etc.

Jenny is doing good. I don't like using the word good, how can anyone be good? But she is being real strong. She just wants things as normal as they can be for her. Greg just keeps saying, we are living in today. We can't live knowing she is going to die. We have to love her and make her happy.

She is beautiful. She is so small. She is long and skinny. She opens her eyes when she hears other people. She does have a loud cry. I just can't believe she is going to die. It just doesn't make any sense in my head. I just have to keep telling myself that she is going to a much better peaceful place and we will all be with her again in heaven. She gets to meet Jesus before any of us.

Here is my brother in law's blog if you would like to see pictures of Zoe.

http://www.batiansila.blogspot.com/

I have two little humans inside of me!

2008-03-20T20:53:00.003-05:00

The babies are kicking a lot. It is the most amazing thing I have ever felt. I can't even describe how our outlook on life has changed, and the babies are not even here yet.

My husband I watched Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Tuesday night. Detective Stabler's wife was pregnant and she was in a car accident with Oliva (Stabler's partner). She was trapped in the car, in and out of consciousness and her water broke. The next 10 minutes the show focused on the emergency personnel cutting her out of the car while Oliva stabilized her neck, gave her an IV and kept her calm and awake. The baby was coming, that's all she could keep saying. During those 10 minutes my husband and I had tears running down our face. I know it's only a TV show but all I could do was think about that baby and then my babies. I just held my stomach as my little ones were kicking each other. It made us realize how much these babies are going to depend on us, or I should say, already depend on us. It’s exciting and very scary at the same time. It also made us realize how much we love the twins and they aren’t even born yet.

I love it when the twins move around and kick me or kick each other. I stop what I am doing and rub my stomach and talk to them. I get so distracted by their movements. Then I realize how much they need me and it’s the most amazing feeling. What a miracle that I have two little babies growing inside me.

Do you have a pet? You know how it feels to know that they are so dependent on you to take care of them? And then you hear about how people abuse animals and your heart breaks because you realize those animals are helpless. Take that feeling and multiply it by a thousand more. I know that is a weird comparison but that’s kind of how I feel. These babies need me to take care of my body so they are healthy and survive. Then I start thinking about what it’s going to be like when they are born. Wow, what a reality check. And to think that anybody can have a child. Eesh!

I’m rambling now but I am just so amazed by being pregnant at this point. Every time they are moving around I feel blessed, full of love and just amazed at the little miracles kicking each other in me.

20 weeks, half way there.

2008-03-06T21:45:00.007-06:00

I can't believe that I'm already 20 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I'm halfway there. I am getting very big and I love my pregnant stomach. Sure, it's hard to bend over, I get out of breath climbing stairs, it takes me awhile to roll out of bed and my back kills..... but I love it.

I started feeling the twins moving about two weeks ago. What an amazing feeling. At first it felt like gas or bubbles. I then realized the bubbles were in the same spot and they were getting stronger. Sometimes it's just Thor moving around, sometimes it's just Twila and sometimes they are kicking each other. (No, we are not naming our children Thor and Twila, my husband has nicknamed them that, I don't know why, and it has stuck.) They are very active after breakfast. It may have something to do with all the sugar - Eggo's, oatmeal and a fruit smoothie. They are also active at night. It's fun to try to imagine what they are doing in there.

We were able to see them again this week for my 20 week ultrasound. It's amazing how much they are growing. My Dr said they look great and all their measurements are right on target.

Overall I'm feeling pretty good. My back hurts my mid day. I also have some numbness down my right thigh. I'm up 20 lbs. and right now it is all stomach. I'm starting to get nervous about the whole delivery thing but I am trying not to think that far.

Here are some new pictures.

"Thor"

"Twila"

Good bye Brett, thank you for the best memories

2008-03-04T20:14:00.002-06:00

It's a sad day in Wisconsin. Our Favre has decided to end his football career. I can't imagine how hard of a decision this was for Brett and his family. I knew it was coming at some time, but I will admit, I was shocked this morning. I even had tears run down my face. I have loved watching Favre play football since he appeared in Green Bay in 1992. I have never watched another athlete love a sport as much as he did. He played with a passion that transferred to others on the field. He gave me chills with his miraculous plays. His smile made me smile and his tears made me cry. I honestly can't imagine Football without him, it's going to be a long 2008-09 season adjusting to his absence. But I respect his decision and wish him the best. Don't forget about us crazy cheeseheads Brett! God bless you and your family.

It's a boy and a girl!

2008-02-11T12:48:00.001-06:00

I will give more of an update later but I just wanted to post that my Dr confirmed last week (at 16 weeks) that we are having a boy and a girl. They are doing great! Such an amazing miracle.
I just think this song is so appropriate:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Updates!

2008-01-26T19:42:00.000-06:00

The morning of January 14, I had some issues again. (I won't go into detail.) This pregnancy isn’t going to be easy. I called my Dr. and she brought me in right away and everything seemed OK. Given my issues she thought it would be good to see the Perinatologist earlier than waiting until 16 weeks. I was 13 weeks at the time. A Perinatologist is an obstetrical sub-specialist concerned with the care of the mom and baby at higher than normal risk for complication. Being pregnant with twins puts me in the high risk category. They want to monitor the twin’s progress and make sure they are growing properly. My Dr. scheduled us to see him that Wednesday, January 16. We will see the Perinatologist, Dr. Pearcan, every 4 weeks. Jaime came with me to this appointment because I knew that they were going to use high tech equipment and it would be really cool.

The ultrasound was amazing. Both the babies were both moving around like crazy. He measured their arms, legs, stomach and heads. We could see their hearts beating and four chambers! He was even surprised to see what he thought was a penis! He said if he was a betting man he would say it is a boy and a girl. But it’s still early and he hopes to confirm in three weeks. Baby A, who the Dr. thinks is the boy, was rolling around like crazy and Baby B, who he thinks is the girl, was just chilling out but put up her arm and we could see her fingers spread out. Just amazing, what a miracle.

He couldn’t see anything that was causing my spotting and bleeding. So for now I just have to trust that the babies are fine and just keep laying low. I see both Doctors again in 1 1/2 weeks; I'll be 16 weeks.

Overall I have been feeling great. I am in maternity clothes because my stomach has popped. I still have some food aversions which is mainly meat.

Here are two amazing pictures.

Here is the 11 week, 3 day picture

2008-01-09T20:33:00.000-06:00

I forgot to post it earlier.
Today I had my 12 week appointment with my Dr. I love her. She gave me this huge binder that the hospital put together for all pregnant couples. It contains info on the hospital, nutrition, classes, labor, caring for newborn, breastfeeding and much more.

She checked for the heartbeats and she could hear two! My uterus is measuring at 16 weeks (larger of course cause I have twins). I gained about 3 1/2 lbs since my first appointment. She reminded me that I need to gain about 20 lbs by 20 weeks. Bring on the custard! I wish there was a Kopps Custard stand downtown. I asked her when I need to take out my belly button ring and she said she'll give it a month. She told me how to take it out - how to pull the ball out and pull back the ring, it was kind of funny. Then she told me she would just take it out for me at the next appointment. I will start ultrasounds in four weeks and have them about every month. They will check to make sure the twins are growing at the same rate.

I'm feeling a little more confident about the pregnancy but I'm still nervous. I'm trying to enjoy being pregnant. Oh, I actually have to go clothes shopping this weekend. My current clothes are getting tight.

Infertility thoughts

2008-01-05T10:23:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm pregnant, does that mean I'm not suffering through infertility anymore? No.

I have been paranoid these past 11 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy. I'm sure every woman has fears related to being pregnant and staying pregnant. But as I laid on the ultrasound table on Thursday with tears in my eyes I told the tech, "it took us 2 1/2 years to get this far, I can't be loosing these babies now and do it all over again." (That's another story I'll tell in a bit.)

I've spent the last year on The Nest and their Trouble Trying to Conceive Board. This chat board helped get me through my fears and questions regarding infertility. The women on that board are some of the strongest women I have ever "met" in my life. The Nest also has other boards for those of us who are pregnant - 1st, 2nd and 3rd trimesters boards, multiples boards and they have recently created a success after IF (Infertility) board. I have been visiting the 1st trimester board and of course the success after IF board. You may think there isn't much of a difference, but really, there is a big difference. It's not bad, but I don't feel like I belong on the 1st trimester board. There are some women on there who don't want to be pregnant, some who it took only 1 month to get pregnant and some who don't want to have any pregnancy symptoms. I WANT THE PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS! I want to puke, I want to cry, I want my boobs to hurt. And I know a lot of my fellow success after IF women feel the same way. Yes, call us crazy. But then again most of us spent our savings and injected ourselves with needles for months just to get pregnant.

Infertility will stay with me forever. And I'm OK with that. I will always visit the T-TTC board on The Nest and answer questions and give as much support to those wonderful women. I will continue to help fight insurance companies on their lack of coverage of infertility treatments and I hope to continue to create awareness of infertility. I will continue to live in fear throughout this pregnancy until I see my miracle babies. And every time I look at them I will be reminded of our journey.

Regarding my ultra sound episode on Thursday, no that was not scheduled. We had another scare. I won't get into details but I had to rush to the hospital on Thursday afternoon to get an ultrasound. The babies are fine, measuring 12 weeks and hearts beating away. Baby A even decided to wave at me. It looks like I still have some cysts and I just have to take it easy. I'll post another picture of the babies. I can't believe how big they have grown in just a week.

Happy New Year, bring on 2008

2008-01-01T11:37:00.000-06:00

We can't believe it's 2008 already. Even though this year was tough on us with our infertility journey, it really did seem to fly by. We have so much to be thankful for from this past year.

I took on more responsibilities at my job and accomplished a lot that I can be proud of. Our department has expanded and we finally have clear goals. I enjoy working with my team and I'm excited to tackle my personal goals for 2008. 2007 ended with a good review and I'm ready to build off of that.

We both got more involved with our church in music, sports and with the youth. We have met many wonderful people and are starting to build relationships with them. We love our church and feel so blessed to be part of a great congregation.

My father in law was diagnosed with bladder cancer two years ago and this October he has been clear of cancer for two years! This is a big milestone for the type of cancer he had. We were obviously thrilled when we got the news. His cancer screens now go from every three months to every six months.

We enjoyed a great summer full of trips to Washington Island, camping, volleyball, Jazz in the Park, Summerfest, State Fair, Brewer games, Gufs/BoDeans Concert, Toby Keith concert, long walks at night along the lakefront, trips to the farmers market, Riversplash, and much more.

I was able to take a trip out to the east coast to see my dad who is currently in Maine his job. My mom was there too and we had a blast! I was able to go whale watching and capture many great pictures with my new camera.

Even though we struggled with infertility this year, the entire process really brought us closer to each other. We learned about about the world of infertility and I took on the job of informing many others about it and the flaws of insurance.

We met Oprah.

We are finally pregnant. I honestly can say that I never thought I would be pregnant. Not only are we pregnant we are having twins. It's hard to believe that in January we were seriously doubting if we could have one baby and now we are blessed with two. We still have a long road ahead of us but we feel we have gotten through so much in this year.

Happy New Year to all! I hope you have a great 2008.

We saw our babies yesterday

2007-12-27T11:22:00.001-06:00

I thought it was stressful trying to get pregnant. I am just as stressed being pregnant! Some of this is probably too much info but it's part of pregnancy. I started spotting on Christmas Day (Second time since we found out I am pregnant. First time was from first ultrasound and everything was OK). I pretty much was in a panic all day. Then it stopped at night. But I got up at 3 am to go to bathroom and it started again but worse. I sat up all night freaking out. I called my Dr. right at 9 am and they had me come in. She said my cervix was still closed but she can't tell where it was coming from. So she sent me in for an ultrasound. I was so relieved to know I was going to see what was really going on.

We have 4 arms, 4 legs, two heartbeats going at 171 and they are both measuring exactly 10 weeks 4 days. (I'm 10 weeks 3 days). Twin A was doing flips. The Dr doing the ultrasound said I have about 4 - 5 cysts and it looks like one ruptured and that is what is probably bleeding. He could see fluid right by one of them. He said they won't harm babies but I may experience some pain and more spotting/bleeding. I feel so much better. So freaking cool to see them big and moving around. Call me paranoid mother already.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T15:26:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas to all!

We're hanging in there

2007-12-16T21:04:00.000-06:00

First of all I must say - GO PACKERS!! 12-2 baby and the Cowboys lost too. What a year, we never thought we would be 12-2. Don't you love how I say "we" when I talk about Packers?

The snow must stop. If you don't know this already, I hate snow. HATE. Despise. I know, I know, I am in the wrong state and yes I grew up here. I have never liked it and never will. The advantage of living in a condo is that I do not have to shovel. I have huge icicles hanging off my window that could kill someone if they fell. I thank God for my four wheel drive. I will never go back as long as I live in WI. Oh, and can we talk about how cold it is?

We've been busy getting ready for Christmas. I can't believe Christmas Eve is a week away. The tree is up, most of the presents are purchased, Christmas music is being played in our house and cars. But as our Pastor pointed out today, the most important reason why we celebrate Christmas is easily forgotten during all the craziness - the birth of our Savior.

As for the twins? I think they are doing good. I wish I could have an ultra sound ever week to make sure they are OK. I'm trying be patient as we wait for our next Dr appointment on January 9th. We hope to actually hear the heartbeats at that appointment. It's so hard to stay calm and positive. I think so many years of failure makes it hard to be excited and positive. I'm taking care of myself and trying to place my faith in God. It doesn't help that I have always been a worrier.

Have a great week and stay warm!

Picture of the babies

2007-12-06T14:01:00.001-06:00

I promised I would post a picture of the ultrasound.

We are doing good. I'm 7 weeks and 3 days today. Still cautious, nervous, excited and scared. I have my first OB appointment tomorrow.

We are pregnant!................With twins!!

2007-12-01T08:15:00.000-06:00

Sorry for not giving an update sooner. I just wanted to feel a little more confident with our confirmed pregnancy.
Monday, November 12 was my first blood test. I had cramps all weekend and I was sure I was not pregnant. My plans for that Monday night were to go for a long run and drink some wine. But the nurse called and said, "congratulations, you are pregnant." I think my response was "huh?" My beta (for those who are familiar with those numbers) was 155. Shocked, complete shock. We were 4 weeks. I had to get another blood test on Thursday, November 15. Those numbers had to double, which they did to 750. I didn't have any symptoms except that I was beyond bloated. We were excited to finally know that we could get pregnant, but we were staying very cautious. We told close family members and friends who knew our IVF schedule but told them to not get so excited yet, it's still very early.
Yesterday was probably one of the most amazing days of my life. We went down to Gurnee for our ultrasound. Dr. Sherbahn performed the ultrasound and Dr. Jain was in there too. We saw a pregnancy sack right away and Dr. Sherbahn focused in on it more and there was this little baby and he said, "there's the heartbeat." It was so clear. I started to cry. Then he said, "lets look to see if there is another." I was thinking it would have been visible right away if there were two. "There is the other pregnancy sack" he said "and there is another heartbeat." Wow. I was squeezing Jaime's hand so hard. Then Dr. Sherbahn said, "Twins are OK, right?" We both laughed and said of course, we feel so blessed.
He went back and measured each of them and they were measuring perfect. I was 6 weeks and 4 days yesterday and they were measuring 6 weeks and 3 days which according to Dr. Sherbahn is perfect. We got to see the heartbeats again and they took some pictures.
We said goodbye to all the Doctors and nurses and that was sad! We really loved every single person in that clinic. I highly recommend it to anyone going through infertilityand lives in the area. It was worth the hour drive and we would have drove more.
It is still early. I'm only 6 weeks and 5 days. We are excited but still very cautious. We are just going to take one day at a time.
We are just so thrilled to know that we can actually get pregnant, we have never been this far in the 2 1/2 years that we have been trying.
I will post a picture of our BABIES once I scan them.
Thank you again for stopping by and posting such wonderful comments.

A little late, but better than never

2007-11-24T18:18:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving. It's been a long year for us but I do have a lot to be thankful for.
1. My husband. He has been my strength and best friend through this year. I don't know what I would do without him.
2. My family. It's been hard not having our dad around this year but we have pulled together and gotten each other through this year. We had reasons to laugh and cry and we have been there for each other through it all.
3. My in-laws. They have always welcomed me into their family and I have always felt part of the group.
4. My cat. She's been with me for ten years and she is my babe. She sits by me when I cry, she makes me laugh, she snuggles at night and has learned to talk back to me.
5. My girlfriends. I love them dearly. Everyday I can expect to laugh from their emails. They have been the most supportive group of ladies.
6. My new ifriends. Funny who you can "meet" on the Internet.
7. Our condo. Such a blessing to have a wonderful place to live and be so close to work.
8. My job. I have accomplished a lot this year and I'm still learning. I am looking forward to a new year and a new group of co-workers.
9. Our church. We have gotten more involved with music and the youth and have had the opportunity to meet more people and establish wonderful relationships. We are so privileged to have a wonderful Pastor and caring staff.
10. Washington Island. My in-laws have a house up there and we get to go up there for our little vacations during the summer. It's always a relaxing and fun time.
11. The Packers. 10-1 baby!
12. Reruns of friends.
13. A good glass of red wine.
14. A long run along the lakefront.
15. Jazz in the Park.
16. Summer

Happy Turkey Day! I hope you had time to reflect what you were thankful for and had plenty of pumpkin pie.

We will know next week

2007-11-08T20:38:00.001-06:00

But I probably won't post any results right away. I want to give us time to take everything in and either be sad or happy. I also want to have time to inform family of either result.

But I will post a result at some point when I feel comfortable. Sorry!

I'm trying to be positive.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts, comments and prayers. It really means so much to us.

The most beautiful picture

2007-11-01T15:34:00.001-05:00

Those are our embryos. Three of them. Wow, isn't it amazing? Isn't science amazing? Isn't God amazing?
The two on top were higher quality so we transferred those. The third may continue to grow and if it does, we hope to freeze it.

Everything went smooth today.

We are truly blessed by all of you who have been thinking of us, praying for us and posting comments and sending notes.

Now I relax.

I pray this cycle works. If it doesn't we at least know we have two more chances, my eggs are good, we can fertilize and we can get embryos. This is very good news for us.

Update

2007-10-30T19:55:00.000-05:00

The egg retrieval went good. We got there at 10 am and they took us to our own room. They started prepping me right away. The bad part was once the IV needle was in I became faint and they had to lower my bed which helped. Once I got in the procedure room things happened fast. The nurses, doctors and medical assistants were efficient, personable and very informative. They got me in the bed, gave me oxygen, put me in these crazy stir-ups (not your typical stir-ups) and then started the drugs. The good, sweet, wonderful drugs. I was conscious but sedated. The doctors came in and I started talking football to one of them and then I don't remember much. I felt two little pinches as he was puncturing the wall to get to the eggs. That is all I remember. I was back in my room with Jaime in no time. I was so drugged up, my blood pressure was as low as 87/43. They nurses checked on me every 5 minutes. Dr. Sherbahn came in to report they got 6 eggs; not bad, not great but good. The nurses had to give us our finally instructions and we were on our way home. I was a little nauseous on the way home but once I got on my couch I started feeling better, just some slight cramps.

Today was got the fertilization report. Of the 6 eggs, 5 were good and they were able to ICSI the five (inject sperm directly into the egg) and 4 fertilized. Tentative embryo transfer set is set for Thursday.

I'm happy and sad. I'm happy to know I have good eggs. I'm happy to know that my eggs and his sperm can fertilize. But I'm sad that we are doing a three day transfer vs. a five day transfer. Usually a five day transfer has higher success rates. I'm also sad that we only got 6 eggs. Some women can get 20 or 30! But it's all numbers and it can get very overwhelming. I have to just stop thinking about it and continue to do what I can do to make this work. I have to let go, and trust the doctors and God.

So my feelings today were:

Great! They fertilized 4 eggs.
Only 4?
Why can't I get pregnant, I'm healthy, I take care of my body, I want a baby. I'm sick of people around me getting pregnant that aren't even planning it!
OK, at least we know my eggs are good.
We do have two more chances if this doesn't work.
God is in control.
I can't believe I have to get a 1 1/2 inch needle shoved into my rear tonight.
Wow, right now down in Gurnee, IL our babies are being created in a dish. Our babies. A piece of me and Jaime.
Just pray hard for strong embryos.

I'll let you know tomorrow how bad that progesterone shot really is. Ugh.

Bravelle, Menopur and Ganirelix Oh My!

2007-10-28T17:27:00.000-05:00

What is that you ask? The names of the drugs that have taken over my body this past week. Bravelle is a highly purified preparation of human follicle stimulating hormone (hFSH). Menopur is a highly purified preparation of naturally derived gonadotropins, called hMG. It contains equal amounts of 2 kinds of hormonal activity: follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which helps stimulate egg production; and luteinizing hormone (LH), which helps the eggs mature and release (ovulate). And finally, Ganireli x is used to suppress premature luteinizing hormone (LH) surges. This prevents eggs from being released prematurely.

This is a picture of how we prepared every morning and evening for the drugs.

Here is a picture of all those drugs that we have used.

The good news is that our egg retrieval (click on egg retrieval for a description of procedure) is scheduled for tomorrow morning. This means I have responded well to all the drugs. I'm nervous and excited. I would really like to see 8-10 eggs. They also need to be mature and of high quality. Hopefully we'll get a great fertilization report. The embryo transplant will take place 3-5 days after the egg retrieval. During this time I will need to start taking progesterone, by injection, which a hormone that is naturally produced in the ovaries It will help to prepare and thicken the lining of the uterus for the implantation of a fertilized egg. Progesterone is necessary to support and maintain a pregnancy should conception occur. The injections goes in my butt, the needle is 1 1/2 inches long. And the entire needle must go into my muscle. People, I don't do needles. This has been hard enough. Do you know how big that needle is?

That is big! I'm really freaked by that injection, and there is more than one. Trying so hard to stay positive. I'll update you when I find out how many eggs we get. Thank you for all your support, comments, prayers and for reading!

We have started the injections

2007-10-21T21:07:00.000-05:00

Ouch.
Saturday morning we were scheduled for a "loading dose" which required two separate injections. My husband was amazing. I started mixing the drugs but was nervous and was shaking a bit so he took over and was very calm. These injections are going in my stomach, so we did one on one side and one on the other. Not too bad we thought. This morning the injection hurt a little more and drew some blood. I don't have tons of fat on my stomach so he hit the muscle a bit. My stomach has been a little sore all day. I've been really tired and I have a bad headache. I'm sure it's just from the stress. Tonight's injection sucked. I thought I picked a good fatty spot and was in a good position. Nope, it hurt and I started crying. I don't know if I cried because it hurt or if because I was frustrated and started thinking of how much more we have to do. More injections, more blood, more ultrasounds etc.
This too shall pass.

Here is a picture of us mixing our injections Saturday morning.

I'm enjoying the last of my wine

2007-10-18T21:40:00.000-05:00

I need to catch up. But real quick, we had our baseline ultrasound and bloodwork on Wed. Everything looks good. The nurses were great and answered all my questions, which included, "What can I do and not do once I start my medications on Saturday."
"Treat your body like you are pregnant. No alcohol, ibuprofen, medications, caffeine, etc."
OK, I don't drink much beer or liquor but I love my wine. I just love the taste of wine. I can't drink anymore wine starting on Saturday. I have two nights left to drink wine. Honestly, I pray to God that I can't drink wine for the next 9-10 months. But I am still going to miss it. I plan to try some NA wine. Let me know if you have tried any NA's that are good! Thanks.

National Infertility Awareness Week

2007-10-11T21:49:00.001-05:00

What an incredible week. Not just because we were on Oprah and got our photo with Oprah in the mail yesterday, but because of all the amazing support we have received from our family, friends and strangers. I have "met" so many more amazing women who are going through infertility. I am so thrilled that people are speaking out and trying to create more awareness. Because of all the new connections, I just found out that there is a National Infertility Association and that November 4 - 10 is National Infertility Awareness Week.

Time to brainstorm on how I can and will participate.

Did you all see this?

2007-10-09T22:25:00.000-05:00

Oprah

Wow, we are completely overwhelmed with the comments, response, support and well wishes we have received today. We wanted to create awareness and I think we got a good start with Oprah today.

Thank you to everyone for your comments, prayers, support and love.

Oh, and look at what arrived today!

Oprah show will air tomorrow

2007-10-08T14:15:00.000-05:00

You can check out www.oprah.com for the preview. The title of the show is "Lisa Ling Investigates: Wombs for Rent."

We should be on near the end of the show. Just don't know how they will edit it. Even if we aren't, I think it was a great show and very informative.

Morning with Oprah

2007-10-03T12:31:00.001-05:00

Here is a recap of our morning on the Oprah show.

We got up at 3:30 am not really having slept at all. We got on the road by 4:30 and I couldn't believe all the traffic. We found the studio without any problems and paid $24 for parking. There was already a line outside the studio so we took our last sips of coffee and got in line. It was a long wait before we checked in and then they checked our bags and purses. We were ushered upstairs and they had us sit in chairs while TV screens played old Oprah episodes. We were exhausted, mentally and physically. We knew why we were there, we knew the show had to do with infertility to some point. Obviously not everyone in the crowd was related to infertility. The room was loud with a lot women talking about how they got tickets, how they called and waited for over 5 hours to get through and their new outfits. Jaime and I just starred at the wall.
Finally they announced that they were getting ready to take us to the studio but were going to call out some names first to get seated first. My name was the first called. The crowd gasped, how cool. We were ushered into the studio and a lady said, "are you the Hansons? Come this way." There was the stage, the 4 white leather seats that Oprah and the guests sit in, the front row was about 6 feet from the stage. Some of the seats had reserved signs and there were two with our names on them. Wow, we are going to be in the front row. We sat down and took everything in, the lights, the cameras, people running around, the screens with the title of the show "Lisa Ling Explores Wombs for Rent." Wow (too early for me to think of any other words), I said again, Lisa Ling will be here, I love Lisa. "Jaime and Tracey Hanson?" We were being called again, this time for personal mics. They took us off to the side to get mic'd and checked. After we sat again, one of the producers (the one I spoke to on Saturday) went through some housekeeping items, how to answer questions, not just yes or no but not long and windy. The couple next to us asked why we were there; "starting IVF" I told them. She told us that they tried for 5 years, were told it was medically impossible for them to get pregnant and they went ahead with IVF and got pregnant on the third try. They have a little girl, 4 years old, and are going to try again.
Another producer came out and got the crowd going. Cheering, practicing questions, answering other questions etc. Then Lisa Ling and a couple came on stage and took their seats. Wow, Lisa is so tiny and beautiful. Then came Oprah. Crowd stood and went crazy. She was beautiful. She had her hair down and curly and was wearing the coolest shoes I have ever seen. We sat right away, serious topic, not much fun and craziness. The show started with focus on this couple, Jennifer and Kendall, who could not have children but wanted to explore surrogacy. The cost in America can run up to $80,000 so they looked elsewhere and after searching they decided to go to India. Lisa decided to follow them on their journey. They had TV screens that showed the series. I'm not going to go deep into the topic because you will need to watch the show to get a real understanding of it all. Most of us were in tears. Jennifer and Kendall were amazing and so strong. Those women in India were amazing and so strong. After that series was over, they put Lisa, Jennifer and Kendall in the front row with us, took away two chairs and this tall beautiful woman came on stage and sat next to Oprah. Oprah introduced her at Alexis Stewart, Martha Stewart's daughter. She is trying to have a baby, using donor sperm, and talked about how expensive it is, what women have to do, IVF, the medications, tests etc.
After a break they brought out a table with all of her medications she takes (and I will be taking soon) including all the different kind of needles. This was very surreal, that is us, that is what we will be going. Oprah asked her good questions.
During the next break a producer came and gave Oprah some cards with our info, another couple's info etc. Oprah looked at us and confirmed who we were. Oh boy, this is it I thought, my heart started racing, and Jaime just took my hand and held onto it. Oprah started the next segment, with Alexis still on stage, talking about other couples going through infertility. First she talked to the couple on our right. They have been trying for many years, 6 rounds of IVF, still not pregnant. Then she said something to the effect of, "And the Hanson's, Jaime and Tracey Hanson took out another mortgage to pay for IVF, Tracey, 34 says they have been trying for over two years?" and she looked at me to confirm 2 years, Yes, I said, 2 years. And then I confirmed that we had taken out home equity loan to pay for IVF. Then she asked if we started yet, and I said that we were going to start with those injections in two weeks. Then it was kind of a blur, Alexis said something to me about injections and then Oprah said to Jennifer, "So Jen, what kind of advice do you have for Trac?" There was a little more conversation, Lisa said something to the couples. I can't remember! Then it was over. Everyone clapped.
Oprah asked us a couple more questions after the "show" and they kept running cameras etc. We had a little more discussion and Oprah left, then Lisa came and shook all our hands in the front telling us good luck. We sat down and more producers came out to have us sign more sheets. There was a Dr behind us from a clinic in Chicago, she started talking to me right away. They will be doing a study with new fertility medications staring in 2008. All medications, testing and IVF will be covered. She gave me her card and told me to call her if we aren't pregnant by then. Another woman and I exchanged cards. Then another producer came told us and the two other couples that talked to come with him. Um, OK, thinking there will be more stuff to sign. He ushers us to back stage where Oprah, Lisa Ling, Alexis Stewart, Jennifer and Kendall were hanging out. "Oprah wants pictures with all of you." Oprah comes up to me and give me a big side bear hug squeeze, Jaime says "am I included in this?" and she says, of course you are! and grabs Jaime, the photographer takes a bunch of shots. Lisa comes up to us again to wish us luck. I looked and Jennifer, who is beautiful by the way, and said, "thank you for sharing your story, it really meant a lot to me to see another perspective." We chatted a bit and were ushered out. As we were walking to our car many people stopped us and wished us luck, it's like we were celebrities. As much as it was exciting, it was exhausting. It was a lot to take in not only because it was Oprah but because of the subject matter.

Whew, done. I'm so tired!

My letter to Oprah

2007-10-03T10:28:00.001-05:00

Let's face it, these next couple posts will be all about Oprah. Some people have asked me what I wrote to Oprah that got me on the show. So here is the email I sent last Thursday morning. I will post about our day on Oprah later.

I have brown eyes, my husband has blue. Our mothers tell us we were very active children and probably could have been labeled ADD. I would run away from my mom at the mall and run to the stage to dance for anyone that would watch. My husband was talking in full sentences at age 2. We both had long, string straight, white hair. He played on the chess team in high school, I was in theater. He plays violin, I play flute.. He plays volleyball, racquetball and mountain bikes, I ran cross country and track in high school, college and still actively run today. Can you imagine what our child will be like? Yeah, so do we, and we may never know.

My husband and I have been trying to have a child of our own. Someone who will represent the two of us. It's been over two years. We started slow and relaxed. After a year of trying the doctor said I had to wake up every morning to take and chart my temperature to make sure I was ovulating. Then started the tests; invasive and sometimes painful. Blood was drawn, more blood was drawn again, ultrasounds, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), semen analysis, more pap smears, and then it was onto a specialist. He met with us, studied our charts and said, "I don’t understand why you aren't pregnant, lets try intrauterine insemination (IUI)." I had to start taking Clomiphene citrate (Clomid) which comes with side effects; dizziness, hot flashes, mood swings and headaches. More blood work, more ultrasounds, trigger shots that bruised my butt and then the IUI, which I describe as having sex with a catheter. Two tries, not pregnant. We were physically, emotionally and financially spent. We needed a break and took the summer off. We endured baptisms at church, family gatherings with children running around and many pregnancy announcements. We stayed pretty strong through it all but did have a couple breakdowns. One more IUI and another negative pregnancy test. I just don't understand how women get pregnant their first time trying, or not trying.

After much research and referrals we decided to make an appointment with a fertility clinic in Gurnee, IL (we live in Milwaukee, WI). An hour drive, more blood draws, another ultrasound an hour consultation with the Doctor, and a review of the success rates we decided to use this clinic. We are on the road to our first In vitro fertilization (IVF). But before we started we needed more tests done. More time off of work, another hour drive for blood work, lining tests, ultrasounds, a hysteroscopy and others I can't even remember. My husband also learned how to mix the medications and use the syringe for the injections he will have to give me, twice a day for at least 10 days. This is just a taste of what IVF includes.

Financially we had to take out a home equity loan to afford IVF because majority of insurance companies refuse to pay for infertility. Their claim? It's a lifestyle choice. Emotionally it has been rough. There are times I just break down crying for no reason and my husband just holds me. Fortunately it has not been a strain on our relationship. If anything, I have fallen in love with my husband all over again and more and more each day. He has been my rock.

My current fight is awareness. I'm not afraid to share my story. I blog about our infertility. Our family and close friends know what we are going through and I try to educate them as much as possible.
We may never have children or our own. But we are going to fight as hard as we can. Will we try donor sperm, donor eggs, donor embryos or adoption? Probably not at this point. But we have peace with our decision at this time in our lives.
But for now, bring on the medications, injections and lets pray this works.

I met Oprah today!

2007-10-02T15:27:00.000-05:00

Met her, got a hug and a picture with her. I sat in front row. She asked me questions; I will be on the show when it airs. Not sure on date yet. I'll tell entire story later. We've been up since 3:30 am and I need a nap.
I will also catch up on my 8 random things about me. Thanks Erin and Danica!

Congratulations Brett Favre (and Packers too!)

2007-10-01T19:54:00.001-05:00

My favorite athlete of all time, Brett Favre, broke Dan Marino's record this weekend for the most career touchdowns passes. That's 422 touchdown passes to 43 different receivers.

I'm going to Oprah!

2007-09-27T21:10:00.001-05:00

Yesterday my friend sent me a link to the Oprah show asking people to give their infertility stories for an upcoming show. I decided to write about our journey and received a phone call this afternoon asking if we'd like to be in the audience for the taping this Tuesday! My husband said he wants to come with me. Guess who gets husband of the year. We have to be there at 7:00 am!

Infertility Insurance Petition

2007-09-26T08:39:00.000-05:00

Please take time to read and if you feel moved to sign the Infertility Insurance Petition. It is sad that most insurance companies will not cover infertility treatments because they actually think it's a lifestyle choice; infertility is not a choice. If you have any questions please let me know.
Thank you for the time and your consideration

Infertility Insurance Petition

Proud to be an American

2007-09-17T10:35:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's a corny title but I was very proud to be an American on Saturday night. Or maybe I should say proud of my fellow Americans.

We had tickets to attend the Brewers game on Saturday with some friends. Our tickets included passes to the .300 club. Considered an elegant dining room and upscale sports lounge the .300 club is in the left field corner of Miller Park. Seating in the dining room gives spectators a beautiful view of Miller Park. We decided to stop up there before the game to have a drink in the lounge. Packed close to capacity, we were able to grab a little bar table and some drinks without much of a wait. The TVs in the bar broadcasted the game because you can't see the field from parts of the lounge. No one was really paying any attention to the TVs and the bartenders were running around making drinks. Quietly we could hear the announcer say "please rise for the National Anthem" and that is where I was shocked. The bar and restaurant went silent. Everyone stopped their conversations to turn their attention to the field or TV, whichever was their better view. The bartenders stopped mid drink and turned their attention to the TVs. I had chills. It was nice to see the respect people still have for their country.

Oh, and by the way, people at Miller Park do not treat "Jump Around " like they do in Madison. Pretty sure we were the only people jumping around, like idiots, in our seats.

Writers Block

2007-09-14T13:44:00.000-05:00

I know, I haven't written much lately. I guess it's kind of writers block. Everyday I think of posting something and then I can't think of anything interesting, informational, fun or exciting to post about. Lets see, what is going on?

It's cold. Summer has left. It feels like it may snow tonight. I do not like this weather at all. I don't mind fall, but I know that winter is just around the corner. I do not like winter. I despise winter. I do not like snow, the sight of it makes me cry. I know, I know, I'm in the wrong state. I'm kinda stuck here.

We are moving forward with IVF. I have a couple more tests to get through this month and it' looks like I will be starting the medications/hormones around October 1. Some days I'm excited to be moving forward and some days I experience different emotions of fear, sadness and anger.

Jenny Crain remains in critical condition. She was able to get through the jaw and neck surgery. She was taken off the ventilator and is breathing on her own but she is still unconscious.

My brother turns 21 next week. Wow, that makes me feel really old. I use to change his diapers, and now I can drink with him, legally. Also, congratulations to my bro, he auditioned for and was selected to be part of the Milwaukee Symphony Chorus. His first performance will be Bernstein: Chichester Psalms and Beethoven: Symphony No. 9 on November 30 – December 2 and a Holiday Pops concert on December 7 – 9. I can't wait to see him and hear him perform.

Back from the Island

2007-09-03T20:50:00.000-05:00

I'm watching Federer play right now in the US Open but I just wanted to give a quick update.

We were at "our" place on Washington Island this weekend and had great time and are refreshed and relaxed. (I say our place cause really it's my in-laws place but I'm married into the place, right?)

How do people like THIS have children?

GO BADGERS! And sucks to be Michigan (College Football).

Jenny Crain has been improving. It's been a long week for her and her family. This is the latest from www.carepages.com (search supportjennycrain). Please keep her in your prayers.

"Unexpected Surgery Signals Important, Though Modest Step Forward

Today Jenny had surgery on her jaw. The medical team decided to perform the surgery in Jenny’s room rather than have her moved to an operating room. They wired her jaw shut so the process of healing her mouth injuries can begin. Jenny has several teeth missing and faces many oral surgeries in her future. After the surgery the jaw is in good shape. During this procedure doctors did nothing with her cheek injuries or the damage to her the base of Jenny’s skull.

In another positive sign Jenny’s brain pressure levels stayed constant throughout the procedure. As we have indicated in pervious posts, equalizing her brain pressures are very important in her being able to safely tolerate other more intensive surgeries, like the vertebrae operation, which is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday September 4.

Jenny’s family also reported that she is blinking more with larger blinks and opening her eyes wider. Jenny remains highly sedated and in critical condition.

Overall, Saturday was a very good day in Jenny’s long road to recovery. Jenny needs many more days like today and with your prayers and support we can Make it Happen."

Praying for Jenny Crain

2007-08-23T12:42:00.000-05:00

Maybe you have seen the headlines already, "Olympic hopeful struck by car" or "Community rallies around injured runner." Jenny Crain, 39 of Milwaukee, is a very familiar name among local and national runners. I had the privilege of meeting Jenny and running with her back in 1996 at the University of Wisconsin Parkside. Jenny, who went to Franklin High School and Ohio University, called my Coach and asked if she could train with us. She was a wonderful addition and inspiration to all of us runners at UWP. The determination and her spirit inspired us all to be better runners. Jenny now lies in ICU with a swollen brain. All we can do is wait.

Jenny helped me qualify for a big race back in the spring of 1996. It was the outdoor track season and our coach had lined up some tough Division I races for us, but we had to qualify with some pretty tough times. We were trying to get to a race at the University of Tennessee – a great road trip. My chance to make it was in the 3000, not one of my specialty races. Our qualify race was in IL somewhere, I can't even remember. Jenny was with us and ran the 5k. My race was about an hour after. My teammate and I had to run 10:13 which was a big PR for the both of us. I was so nervous and not positive at all. We asked coach if Jenny could "rabbit" the race for us and get us on pace. She was so excited to help us. She set the pace for us and coached us throughout the race. I remember her saying, "come on, lets go" and "you are so strong, you can do this" and other encouraging words. She made the race so easy and we both ran our personal bests and qualified for the race in Tennessee. Jenny introduced me to Krispy Kreme donuts on that trip to Tennessee. I remember when she saw the sign, "fresh donuts" she yelled at coach to pull over and go through the drive through.

My last "run in" with Jenny was the Bastille Days run on 2006. I was warming up and ended up running next to her. I said, "Hey Jenny, not sure if you remember me" and she gave me a hug and said, "Of course I do Tracey, lets go do some strides."

That is Jenny. She is so positive and full of energy. She is always so fun to be around and just a strong, amazing woman. She has touched so many peoples lives. The running community is in a state of shock right now and we are pulling for her. People are praying so hard for her and her family and to guide the doctors that are taking care of her.

Come on Jenny, I know you can do it, lets go, you are so strong. Please pull through this. I know I will be running after you again someday!

Happy Anniversary to me! and other randomness.

2007-08-21T15:59:00.000-05:00

3 years! Yay! I love my husband so much!

Haven't written in while so here is some randomness:

FINALLY good news. We found out last week that the medications for IVF which can cost up to $5000 will be covered by insurance. That is great news and may also give us enough money to try three rounds of IVF if needed.

This rain sucks! I know we need rain but day after day gets old.

Preseason football has started. This excites me beyond belief. Packers defense has looked good the last two games. What makes me more happy is that Michael Vick will most likely spend this season in jail.

Summer is almost over. Kids are going back to school, football season is starting and the trees in front of my condo are turning red already. I love fall but I hate what comes after - winter. Can't we just go Summer, fall, summer, fall??

I have been doing yoga at invivo wellness and I love it. I never thought I would enjoy yoga or have the patience for it but I feel so relaxed and fresh after I'm done. Invivo is the same place I go to for acupuncture, my chiropractor and physical therapist.

Have a good day!

The Gufs and BoDeans concert

2007-08-13T13:52:00.000-05:00

My husband and I actually got out by ourselves this past Friday night to the Wisconsin State Fair to see The Gufs and BoDeans concert. If you are from the Wisconsin area you should know who they are.

The BoDeans formed in Waukesha, WI around 1984 and got their break by playing at Summerfest. They gained National attention when their song "Closer to Free" was selected as the theme song for the TV series Party of Five. My first BoDeans concert was in 1991.

The Gufs, formed by University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee students, started playing on the east side of Milwaukee in 1988. I was introduced to them, music and in person, in 1992. My fellow athletes from the University of Wisconsin Parkside played soccer against some of the band members and head them play on the east side. I became a groupie right away.

15 years later I still adore both groups. My husband also grew up listening to both bands. When we heard about the concert we bought tickets right away. I will say it was weird having to buy tickets when I have seen both bands for free in the past. But we did get great seats, fourth row center.

As we were walking to our seats I said to Jaime, "Why does everyone look so old?" He laughed and said, "because they are, and we are too." The Gufs only played for about 45 minutes because they were the "opening" band but I wanted more! They were great as usual and Goran is still so stinking cute.They played a lot of their new songs and of course ended their show with my favorite song, Smile. Then the BoDeans came on and I freaked out, Sammy has gray hair! But age was not a factor in their performance. Wow, they sounded great. They played all the best songs and my favorite, Naked.

After the concert I got my cheese on a stick which you have to get at the State Fair and we headed home. It was a nice and relaxing night.

An invitation

2007-08-09T22:11:00.000-05:00

I'm just throwing this out there. I have started singing with our Praise Team at our church and I love it. This Sunday I'm really excited, we are singing some of my favorite songs, my bro is singing with the Praise Team too, and there will be a baptism; not just any baptism, our Pastor will be baptizing his newest grandson. If you are interested join us at Brookfield Lutheran (Missouri Synod).
Brookfield Lutheran Church
18500 W. Burleigh
Brookfield, WI 53045

Update on all that T-TTC stuff

2007-08-07T20:48:00.000-05:00

We met with Dr. Sherbahn for our IVF consult on Monday. We started our testing to see if we qualify for the shared risk IVF program. If you qualify, you can pick an IVF "package" and have a guarantee live birth or your money back. I had mentioned earlier that we like this option (who wouldn't) and the success rate at this clinic is higher than any clinic in WI.
The appointment started with an ultra sound for me to check the ovarian antral follicle count. In the first 10 minutes of our appointment we knew we were a bust. I only had 11, they wanted 14. No shared risk for us. Oh, and by the way, looks like I have a cyst and maybe even endometriosis. They said it's probably from the clomid I took during our IUIs. What a blow. Dr. Sherbahn was a nice guy and answered every question we had and never rushed us out the door. We got all our answers, I gave three tubes of blood and they sent us home to think about out next steps. I cried all the way back to Milwaukee.
This morning we got another blow - my blood tests came back invalid. They tested my estrogen and FSH levels. The "day 3 FSH test" is done to test my ovarian reserve. I had these tests before and they were fine, not this time. The nurse called and said they were invalid because my estrogen levels were way too high and that automatically makes the FSH levels invalid. They said it was most likely from the clomid I was on last month and my cyst. I have to repeat the blood test (for another $200) next month.
We can still do IVF through all these problems but it lowers our success rate and our chance of getting a package deal.
How am I doing? Not sure I can cry anymore. Oh, wait, yes, I'm sure I can. I just keep telling myself that we can do IVF and there is still a 50/50 chance of getting pregnant using IVF. My husband is still so amazing, strong, positive and patient. I love him so much.
At this point, it looks like we will first be able to try IVF in October.

Time for me to quit running

2007-08-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I just typed that.

First of all, sorry, it's been a week. It was a rough week, I'm not going to lie to you. Obviously we are not pregnant and are moving on to IVF. I have been filled with many different emotions. I'm scared to death of the process. I'm angry that we have to do this in order to have a baby. I'm excited that we are moving onto a new process that has a higher success rate. I'm freaked out by the money we have to come up with. And I have fallen in love with my husband even more because he is my strength and such an amazing man. Take all those feelings and the fact that I have cried for two days, I am emotionally and mentally spent.

After talking with my husband about our plan and feelings I told him that I think it's time for me to stop running. Some doctors and others have their opinions on the impact of running and trying to get pregnant. It's hard for me to accept because I know a lot of people that have gotten pregnant while they were training intensely. But every body is different right?

If we are going to fork over lots of money for this procedure, I want to make sure I am doing everything right. I'm going to start yoga as suggested by my acupuncturist. I will continue to lift weights. For cardio I will hit the pool and stationary bike. I may keep up with racquetball a bit too.

This is going to be a very hard change for me. I have been a "runner" since 5th grade. That puts me at running for about 22 years with some breaks in there of course for injury. I love it, I love to run. Not many people say that about running. It's my stress reliever. I feel so free and strong when I run.

But I think at this time in my life I am going have to give it up for awhile. I need to concentrate on my body and getting it ready to get pregnant, God willing.

I hate this, but lets talk money.

2007-07-26T16:53:00.001-05:00

Here we are again talking about my wonderful infertility issues. Sorry. But I have to vent. We have been fortunate that our insurance has been covering 80% of all our tests and IUIs to this point. But now we have to move onto IVF and our insurance does not cover that. We are looking at two different clinics – Froedtert vs. Advanced Fertility Clinic of IL. We have using Froedtert for our IUI and we like them. They are one of the best hospital in the US. but their success numbers on IVF aren't as high as this clinic in Illinois. When it comes down to money, Froedtert is about $15,000 for one IVF. The Advanced Fertility Clinic has different payment options. One, for example, is you pay for three IVF rounds and there is a guarantee live birth or your money back. Sounds great right? Sure, with a price tag of about $25,000 that we have to pay upfront, if full, before we start.
At this point we are doing a lot of research on both locations, asking many questions, and inquiring input from others who have used both clinics. We have a consult with the Advanced Fertility Clinic (which will set us back $375 paid in full at time of appointment) in a couple weeks and we will meet with Froedtert again to discuss the next steps of IVF. My husband is currently researching the best way to finance IVF. Our plan was to use Capital One's health care finance option with a nice low rate of 1.9% APR but we found out that neither clinic will accept payment from Capital One because of the hidden fees they get hit with from Capital One.
Great.
So yesterday I went into very angry mode. I can get a boat loan from my bank at 6% but if I want a general health care loan I'm looking at 12% APR. I want to scream at insurance companies. I know people who smoke, are obese, don't exercise and just don't take care of themselves yet insurance is paying for all their health issues but I can't get any insurance if I want a baby? (Please, don't tell me to vote for Hillary and her idea of new health care because if that would be the case I wouldn't have the option of what clinic I could even to go.) Sure, we could lower our 401k investments, our IRA's and stop saving money for the hospital bills that we will accumulate when (and if) we have a baby, but that just drives me crazy. We pay a lot of money just to have health insurance and my husband's company pays outrageous money just for us to have insurance but the one time that I need it we don't get it. Or how about a trade off? You get $20,000 for fertility treatments, not limiting us to just IUIs. If that would be the case, we would have skipped IUIs and gone right to IVF. Why is it so limited? WHY CAN'T I GET ANY COVERAGE!
OK, I'm done. I just needed to vent about my frustration with insurance coverage, costs of infertility treatments and the fact that I will be on a mission to make more people aware this problem.
UGH.

My food world ups and downs

2007-07-25T14:29:00.000-05:00

My food world
Yesterday was a sad day and a great day in my food network world.
Sad:
Milwaukee lost it's beloved favorite restaurant critic, Dennis Getto at the young age of 57. Known as the faceless critic for 25 years, Getto not only reviewed restaurants but also provided his readers with insight to cooking, entertaining and where to dine. He was always quick to return phone calls and emails to his readers. Getto passed died from pulmonary fibrosis.

Great:
Paula Deen is coming to Chicago on Saturday, November 17 and guess who has tickets?! I am so freaking excited. I will be heading to Chicago with three of my girlfriends to see Paula's Live Tour. Known for her famous quote of "everything's better with a stick of butter" Paula has become an icon of cooking on the Food Network. I am so excited (did I say that yet) that I am going to hear her say "hey y'all" in person. I may cry.

Another great infertility article - Infertility Etiquette

2007-07-19T11:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry that I am posting so much on this topic. I guess since we had our third IUI yesterday this is on my mind.

Here is a good article for family and friends who may know a loved one struggling with infertility.

Infertility Etiquette

Think twice before you ask a woman when they plan on having children

2007-07-19T09:02:00.000-05:00

This is a great article that was on MSNBC - Newsweek:
My Turn: Stop Setting Alarms on My Biological Clock

Can you believe a woman actually said, "Well, you don't know happiness until you've had a baby."

Excuse me?

Since when does children = happiness? So if my husband and I can't have children we will never experience happiness? The day I married my husband I wasn't really happy? I'm really not happy during the times I spend with my family and friends?

This is just one part of the article that got my blood boiling.

It's a short quick read, take a look!

Smug mug account

2007-07-18T14:54:00.000-05:00

My husband and I decided to purchase a smug mug account to host our photographs. We really liked the viewing quality and other features of the site. Go check it out!
http://jaimeandtracey.smugmug.com/

Married With Twins and on a Budget.

I have moved! New Blog!

Product rave for the kids - Sippy Cup

Great website for great deals

What are the twins up to?

Product Rave - Nail polish

I'm hosting Thanksgiving, just call me Martha, or Clark

Busy Summer!

Creative Day

Happy Birthday to my babies

Happy Fathers Day

Grilled Pizza!

It's been too long!

More posts to come

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!

Twin update

Please don't judge those of us who use IVF or other fertility treatments

Lets talk generic

Non-budget related.

Second hand stores

Start a budget

What is the focus of the blog?

The Twins first Christmas

Merry Christmas

We have teeth!!

What are the twins up to?

Happy Thanksgiving

Zoe update

Please pray for Zoe

Beautiful pictures of Anna and Luke

One year ago

Changing my format/layout

Find Your Wings

Leaving downtown

Look what the twins got yesterday......

I went for a run

These kids are so cute

One month

It's hard

I may not have time for words

The day my miracles arrived

Introducing Luke and Anna

36 weeks

Randomness

Scared

Big babies!

Introducing my brother, Josh Pope

My shower

Camera shy

Time to Celebrate Graduation

Day with the Bats

Update on us

I Would Die For That

My daddy is finally home

New blog name

Family Video

Little Zoe

Life can be really confusing

I have two little humans inside of me!

20 weeks, half way there.

Good bye Brett, thank you for the best memories

It's a boy and a girl!

Updates!

Here is the 11 week, 3 day picture

Infertility thoughts

Happy New Year, bring on 2008

We saw our babies yesterday

Merry Christmas!

We're hanging in there

Picture of the babies

We are pregnant!................With twins!!

A little late, but better than never

We will know next week

The most beautiful picture

Update

Bravelle, Menopur and Ganirelix Oh My!

We have started the injections

I'm enjoying the last of my wine

National Infertility Awareness Week

Did you all see this?